Fragment: Sacred Plaçage

This was going to be one of my six-stanza "Sacred" poems, but as the fragment hasn't yet grown into that (& may never), I'll post it now as an incomplete.

Sacred Plaçage

Because the smarmy law--, around the omnipresence,

Around & thru the thick shrubbery--,

I'll take your arm with careful hesitance,

And commit you to the blubbery nunnery.

Because the smarmy law, because my life

In the future, because of my withering face,

I abjure you, my Creole wife,

On the threshold of deep space.

I'm Engaged to be Wed on the Facebooks:

Miss Martichka & I set up this make-your-own facebook scandal. Which, I must say, didn't hit as hard as we hoped, even after we posted a few "Get me to the Church on Time" videos on each other's walls, & a link to the South Lake Tahoe's Chapel of the Bells. Anyway, this correspondence with her mom resulted:

Leah P____ December 15 at 6:04am

I understand I am to be your future Mother-in-law. Hope you're up to the job! :-)

James W____ December 15 at 11:23am

Hi Mum
I love your daughter very much. I will treat her as my little doll in my dollhouse. We may not have much in this world, but with what little I got, she will be my queen. I've got a chicken, a goat, ample semen, an heirloom collection of rare spider venoms (which have to be kept at a constant 45 degrees), and of course her father's dowry, from which we can start a life. We will only be living with you while the first baby or two is incubating, and then once my poetry career takes off, I hope to make the down payment on our very own triple-wide trailer. I love your daughter very much,
Yours Truly,
Jas. H. W____

Leah P____ December 15 at 2:40pm

Son: You'll be saving a ton not having to heat the dollhouse much, keeping the venoms cool and all! But don't feel you have to rush out of the family home. We sure don't want to stress you out and have you lose the flow of words to put to paper! And you're an ambitious type, I can tell, especially with your vision of a triple-wide!! I couldn't be happier for you two! It's great to have such kin!!! Mom-to-Be Mrs. P

Fake Wedding Reception & Cake-Cutting Photos

If we took a holiday.

Took some time to celebrate.

Just one day out of life.

It would be, it would be so nice.

Holiday.

Celebrate.

Holiday.

Celebrate.

It would be so nice.

-Madonna

These are the last couple photos from my camera from April 5th, our FAKE WEDDING. The ceremony was above Claremont Canyon at a sunshiny vista in the Berkeley Hills. The above photo is from the hike down. The last few are from the cake-cutting & speeches. There was of course a garter-toss & much dancing to wedding party hits - my favorite of the night was The Outfield's Your Love.

	The Outfield - Your Love
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

I just wanna use your love tonight!

I don't wanna lose your love tonight!

Use your love-

Lose your love-

Your love!

-The Outfield, J. Spinks.

There are many more photos &c of this party HERE.

Fake Wedding Party Photo Shoot

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A Celebration of Fake Love: Photos from the Fake Marriage Ceremony

On April Fifth, the Mimosas Witnesses hosted a Fake Wedding in the Berkeley Hills. The Bride & Groom had never met. The guests roles (MILF-of-the-Groom, Drunkle) were selected semi-randomly from a Sorting Sombrero. The photos from my camera have just returned, the first batch from the ceremony:

Today with my whole heart
I pledge to thee
My love & faith
For all of eternity
And even longer after that
I'll fill your life
Up to past the brim of my hat
And be your little wife
I'll be your special friend, in cloudy climes,
Thru troubles & strife,
Good times & stupid sucky times
Thru this life & most of afterlife [...]

-From the Bridal Vows

You are the Eve to my Adam,
You are the ying to my yang,
You are the yoni to my lingam,
You are the Lady Macbeth to my Mister Macbeth,
You are the Lewinsky Scandal to my Kenneth Starr,
Without you, I am like half of a lemon after it has been sliced in half,
And the other half thrown away into the compost,
To return again unto the earth & fertilize the summer crops.

-From the Groomal Vows

Every night in my dreams,
I see you, I feel you,
That is how I know you go on.

Far across the distance,
And spaces between us,
You have come to show you go on.

Near, far, wherever you are,
I believe that the heart does go on,
Once more you open the door,
And you're here in my heart,
And my heart will go on and on.

-From the "hymn" we sang

The text for these Fake Nuptials is here.
The Invitation.
Photos from the Sunny Reception - & I'll post more photos from the reception tomorrow, & all the crowd shots & photos shoots anon.

First Few Photos from the Fake Wedding Reception

A couple of photos, courtesy Mrs Eley-Nelson, have come in from the reception for April Fifth's FAKE WEDDING. (The ceremony took place in the Berkeley hills, & those photos are still getting developed.)

The Bride & friend.

The Groom

The Father-of-the-Groom

Conservative cousins on our roof

Our sunny back porch.

More up when I get them! Photos from the wedding ceremony (read the vows here) & cake-cutting are in my film camera, & will appear when they exist.

Fake Wedding Ceremony Text

Sorry, no pictures yet from the Fake Wedding we hosted in the Berkeley hills on Sunday. The full report from the party will have to wait. However, I have a TRANSCRIPT of the wedding service, as delivered masterfully by Miss Sigal Shoham, our mimosa's witness officiant, which we cobbled together from many sources (including Mormon Prophet Gordon Hinckley, New Age rituals, & lots of cheesy stuff found on the internet.) I'll reprint the Groom's Vows, a popular if tedious excerpt, & post the complete service in a pdf viewer below:

Little wife,
It is with you that I triumph,
Over the challenges in my path.
It is your partnership that will lead me
To the fulfillment of my dreams,
You are the Eve to my Adam,
You are the ying to my yang,
You are the yoni to my lingam,
You are the Lady Macbeth to my Mister Macbeth,
You are the Lewinsky Scandal to my Kenneth Starr,
Without you, I am like half of a lemon after it has been sliced in half,
And the other half thrown away into the compost,
To return again unto the earth & fertilize the summer crops.
Without you, the tears dry,
Without you, life goes on, but I die.
I choose you, wife, today in witness
Of all of these random people,
I choose you, wife, tonight,
In the privacy of our heart & soul,
I fell in love with you, just like a fool would do,
I choose you in strength & in weakness,
I choose you in sickness & in health,
When your breasts sag & I have hair in my ears,
I will always love you.

SAVE THE DATE - Invitation to "A Celebration of Fake Love"

From the facebook invite:

How does a Fake Wedding?
-Guests are assigned rolls. Rather than making it completely random, people can request who they want to be (i.e., Mother of the Bride, Wedding Planner, Drunk Uncle). Someone has to be the Bride & Groom. Anyone have a white dress?
-Ceremony in the early afternoon, backdropped by a view of the San Francisco Bay. (There's a ten minute hike up to the spot, so wear your second-best tux, or jeans under your bridesmaid's dress.)
-Followed by a semi-Potluck/semi-catered Reception at my apartment, with excellent speeches & dancing

"All the best parts of a wedding without eternally fettering two sorry souls!"