Advent Calendar of Non-Overplayed Christmas Songs: VIII. Christmas Wrapping & Christmas Rappin'

Hello, this is the Advent Calendar of Non-Overplayed Christmas Songs. Today, a double feature. I heard Stephen Metcalf on the Slate Culture Gabfest recommend this Christmas song Christmas Wrapping by The Waitresses, a nice 1980s girly rap with satisfying brass arrangements.  Look, someone synchronized it to their Christmas decorations:

Here's the link on Spotify.
And when I was trying to find that song, I typed in "Christmas Rappin'," thinking it was spelled that way. Of course, tho, there is a Christmas Rappin' by Kurtis Blow from 1979! "Now I'm the guy named Kurtis Blow / And Christmas is one thing I know. / So every year just about this time / I celebrate it with a rhyme." Poetry!

Here's that song on Spotify. And here's our epic several-day-long Infinite Non-Overplayed Christmas Playlist (listen on random!)

In related news, HuffPost has a post called "15 Most Annoying Christmas Songs." There are some truly bad songs there I'd never heard of, like Simple Plan's "Christmas List," which has the lyrics "Santa is coming tonight / And I want a car & I want a life."

Special Report: The Cowboy Motif in R. Kelly & T-Pain

It hit me like a ton of bricks that two of my favorite R&B singles of the past twelve months both have distinct cowboy motifs. What could be further from Hank Williams than 21st century pop R&B? (Altho, many space aliens, like in Tim Burton's Mars Attacks!, would argue that T-Pain's auto-tuned voice could be as equally detrimental to their brain's viscosity as Slim Whitman's "Indian Love Call".)

All year, I've been in awe of R. Kelly's yodeling in his song "Echo", which was released in 2009, with this video finally appearing in April 2010:

Let's discuss the nature of the yodel at the climax of the song. It's not specifically cowboyish. It's testament to Mr Kelly's ever expanding imaginative ingenuity in the genre of sexology. An amazing (if possibly illiterate) lyricist, he's never too deep with his metaphors (Watch Trapped in the Closet for a crash course in his symbolism.) So, when he says, at the "mountain peak" of the song, that his love-making will make you echo, followed by the titular echoing yodel, there are no cross-references to early country music. In the verses there is only the narration of the day-long sex marathon. The chorus is the narrator making the recipient girl of his prowess echo in ecstasy. Only in the strange bridge (what are those chords?) do we get any literary development of the yodeling theme:

Even though we're in this room, just you and me,
I got you sounding like you're screaming from a mountain peak,
And you don't wanna come down (noo),
And I dont want you to come down (noo-ooohh),
So, girl let's keep coming, and we gon' go to heaven from this room,
And the gates will open up when they see it's me 'n you,
Ooh, so run like a doll come back in,
Girl, I got my second wind.

Fascinating poetry. So, like I was about to say, Mr Kelly's yodel is more Swiss Alps than early Nashville. His alpine scarf in the video confirms that hunch. I'll stick to my thesis tho, that the use of it in this song is descendant from the popularity yodeling once had in Anglo-American music & what caused Tim Burton's aliens such chagrin.

A brief sidenote to give props to R. Kelly's pipes. Even if you can't stand his music or his Woody Allen-esque sexual deviance, you must admit that he is, by merit alone, an incredible artist who can back up his strange story-telling songs with a golden voice.

I also want to mention that in R. Kelly's other recent single, "Number One", he also compares his sexual genius to music making.

Now, onto my favorite eccentric who tops the pop charts, Tallahassee Pain himself (born Faheem Rasheed Najm, and a practicing muslim). The great Mad Hatter of the Vocoder generation has left the boat for the rodeo. Much more conventionally interested in developing a literary theme then R. Kelly, T-Pain has taken the notion of a "reverse cowgirl", and tries out the effects of all manner of cowboyisms into his auto-tune. In his last song "Take Your Shirt Off", he responds to his critics by asking, "Now tell me now, is Auto-Tune really dead?" In this follow-up single, he adds meat to his argument, pudding proof, with yet more excellent robotic virtuoso. I'll rephrase his question: How can a pop-music gimic be exhausted when we're still making such great music with it? Even if the fad has passed, T-Pain still has legs.

As for his thoroughly developed cowboy theme, he disappoints no one. At important moments in the song he uses the words "giddyap" & "yee-haw." The video for "Reverse Cowgirl" was also released in March 2010, the simultaneous flowering & wilting of the genre of R&B cowboyism.

Collaboration from Both Sides: Strangling a Monkey with the Hands of a Clock

One Matthew Weiss alerted me to this mind-boggling collaboration, here featuring two names that I never expected to see together, Tom Waits & Kool Keith. N.A.S.A.'s release The Spirit of Apollo is rife with such pairings, including such notables as David Byrne, RZA, George Clinton, and Del. All in all, the album should be filed under "not as good as you hope, but still a good time." KRS-ONE's contribution is predictably enough called "Hip Hop," which induces the response, "come off it, KRS." We know that you love hip hop and enjoy writing its history with you at the center, but you don't need to make an idol of it to such an extent. Give us something else.

The Spirit of Apollo is the second collaborative effort I've listened to this year that features the voice of Ol' Dirty Bastard from beyond the grave, the first being Blakroc's eponymous album. And so my question is this: Is there a gigantic archive of unused ODB material that people are dipping into? If so, how can I gain access? Or am I missing something?

Shisha Department Presents: Hookah in Hip-Hop No. 2

There was a special sub-department of the Shisha Department, Hookah in Hip-Hop, which briefly appeared last June. This morning I got a twotter from "BREWSKYONLINE" saying "@itwaslost Check out 'MY' new single Smoking #Hookah, Its the new summertime anthem!!! ♫ http://blip.fm/~at9wc♫", linking to this song:

We are definitely looking out from the verge of a new era of shisha-themed lyrics. It reminded me that, close to home, Earjuice Records had a song out on their classic inaugural LP "Everyone Stoned" called "smokalottapotalotta" (click on that link to hear it), which prominently features the word 'hookah'--, altho personally I don't care to pack my water pipe with anything but the finest shisha tobacco.

_________________________________________________________________

Please "like" our band The Manna Tease on facebooks:



More shameless advertisement:
My illuminated nonsense rhyming poetry book - only $2.15 on scribd.com:

S. Sandrigon - Prophecy and Doggerel 2009

Shisha Department Presents: Hookah in Hip-Hop No. 1

The Department of the Shisha, special sub-department of Hubbly-Bubbly in da Hizzly-Hopply, presents a limited edition series of Hookah in Hip-Hop. First, this version of Three Six Mafia's "Smokin on the Dro" was youtube user waambat's final project for an electronic media class! It's long overdue that Lewis Carroll's caterpillar made his debut as a shisha-puffing rapper.


(Thanks to a tweet from @PeteButta, retwatted by @samamidon)

The MC Pseudo-Dionysius / Gold Diamonds song "Hillelujah" (lyric "Hallelujah, pass the nargileh / smoke it like you mean it, now take off your z-cup.") is HERE.

MySpace: So horrible that it's now retro?

Remember when MySpace was, in the words of Christopher Guest & the Folksmen, very "now-tro." I'm wondering if it's now so old school that it's cool again? It's such an ugly messy beast. Anyway, now that MySpace music allows you to post TEN songs, I've added a bunch of my demo mp3 four-part shape-note tunes to the S. Sandrigon myspace - http://www.myspace.com/ssandrigon. The scores & mp3s for all those songs are posted thru-out this website, under the Department of Western Harmony.

Also, if you missed it the first time round, there is a MySpace for the MC Pseudo-Dionysius / Gold Diamonds project The Celestial Hierarchy EP - http://www.myspace.com/mcpseudodionysius. I got bored promoting that album, but I was just listening to it - as it sounds best, way too loud on headphones - & I fear that somewhere out on the streets of Ashby Avenue, the MC-Pseudoh-Pseudoh & his flanks of large-breasted angels are plotting a comeback, if you can call coming from nothing a comeback.

Mr Quill has an interesting post on his no-longer-undisclosed Forgotten blog about what people have searched in google to reach his website - including "Man expresses views by rapping at town meetings" - which reminded me I hadn't googilied myself in awhile. I found that someone misquoted one of my shisha poems in a post quoting a bunch of poetry about hookahs - here.

I have smoked my nargileh
With holly men & sing-song writers
(S. Sandrigon: Song of Shisha, Hookah Poetry)

I'm honored to be honored as one of the great writers who have written of the hookah, & I believe in holly men, I believe that they exist & smoke the nargileh & I would smoke the nargileh with holly men. I also believe in sing-song, изпееш песен in Bulgarian, & I would write it & smoke nargileh with myself.

Poll Closed! Brooklyn Bridge slams New Tay Bridge in popular vote!

Oh no! The poll in the sidebar is closed & the Brooklyn Bridge has WON by a margin of 53%-46%!! It is a whopping but Pyrrhic victory! If you missed the rap battle / dirty mudslinging campaign, here is a brief recap of the arguments:

19th Century Dundee poet William Topaz McGonagall's "An Address to the New Tay Bridge" rediscovered as a revolutionary proto-hip-hop:


The Brooklyn Bridge's poet D.B. Steinem HAMMERS BACK:


William Topaz McGonagall raps nostalgic about the Tay Bridge Disaster:


A mysteriously-funded PAC releases this radio spot asking Brooklyn Bridge: "BUT IS IT LONG ENOUGH?"

Another radio ad appears in time, maturely reasoning "Tay Bridge, Schmay bridge".

An artist renders the Brooklyn Bridge in bold asian strokes.

The polls close &, in a shocking upset, the Brooklyn Bridge has been voted America's Bridge. The New Tay Bridge loyalists regroup.

Hip-Hop Legend William McGonagall Returns: The Tay Bridge Disaster

As everyone by now knows, William McGonagall is a nineteenth century rapper. Considered Britain's Worst Poet, he is fastly being revalued as a revolutionary futurist emcee. In collaboration with Gold Diamonds, another track from the forthcoming hip-hop album about bridges, specifically the Tay Bridge near by Dundee. This song predates the New Tay bridge's construction & dedication (listen here & here) memorializing the windy destruction of the great Old Tay Bridge. 1879!!!

Beautiful Railway Bridge of the Silv'ry Tay!
Alas! I am very sorry to say
That ninety lives have been taken away
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

'Twas about seven o'clock at night,
And the wind it blew with all its might,
And the rain came pouring down,
And the dark clouds seem'd to frown,
And the Demon of the air seem'd to say-
"I'll blow down the Bridge of Tay." [...]

Read the rest of the original poem here. Download this mp3 here. More hip-hop from the itwaslost.org community webloggists here.

Crickets & Rats on the Brooklyn Bridge

I notice it's been a week since my political attack ad hit the radio waves - the Brooklyn Bridge: IS IT LONG ENOUGH? And yet, I haven't heard a peep from Brooklyn.

The rap battle between the New Tay Bridge & the Brooklyn Bridge can be traced to several "hip-hop" songs, all available in our 2009 debut EP, rap songs about bridges, from bridges, for bridges. They are here.

I mention this all, because I have added a poll to the lefthand sidebar, just below the tweetosphere feed, to get a feel for how the electorate is responding to the attacks, before the 2009 election. James Carville worries that William McGonagall's negatives may have been ratcheted way up after all the radio spots, but we're in crunch time here Turd Blossom.

Our friend Dr Eley-Nelson was kind enough to e-mail this doggerel in support of our hip-hop work set to classic bad 19th Century poetry about bridges:

From: "Dr. ___ Nelson" _____@gmail.com

To: "James Welsch" _@itwaslost.org
Subject: Benefactum

Nice work. I'm sure McGonagall's spirit is suffused with warm well being. Or rather,

James Welsch, you have to music put
A poem about trains and their attendant soot
Or rather of the bridge's o'er which they roll
Which strikes this writer as being rather droll
Your take on the work of William McGonagall
Will surely be well received by all.

FOUND! Rare take of New Tay Bridge by McGonagall Sister and Brother-In-Law

Didn't Hear a Peep from the New Tay Bridge

Unearthed: D.B. Steinman Records Rap Track Regarding Bridge Design and Beauty Before McGonagall, Before His Own Birth!

Introducing Hip-Hop Legend William McGonagall with Gold Diamonds: "An Address to the New Tay Bridge"

Last Burns Night, after our second bottle of Scotch, & a full evening of Robert Burns' delicious poetry & veggie haggis, we got a hat-tip from Miss Williams that there was a 19th Century Scottish poet who had been voted "Britain's worst poet". We quickly found some of William McGonagall's work & ended the night with his amazing "An Address to the New Tay Bridge". We proposed several projects, including a McGonagall Night some other evening in the year, dedicated to the worst poetry, perhaps with absinthe & spam; & also a hip-hop version of McGonagall's poems. (The New Tay Bridge poem is oddly suited to the genre.) I'm proud to present Mr McGonagall's debut as a rap star, in his first collaboration with the great Gold Diamonds. I warn you, there is also at least one more setting of this poem to funky beats, & probably even more coming, I'm worried there might have to be an entire album of just New Tay Bridges. Any resemblance to the MC Pseudo-Dionysius is a zeitgeistical convergence. Presenting WILLIAM McGONAGALL.

An Address to the New Tay Bridge

BEAUTIFUL new railway bridge of the Silvery Tay,
With your strong brick piers and buttresses in so grand array,
And your thirteen central girders, which seem to my eye
Strong enough all windy storms to defy.
And as I gaze upon thee my heart feels gay,
Because thou are the greatest railway bridge of the present day,
And can be seen for miles away
From North, South, East or West of the Tay
On a beautiful and clear sunshiny day,
And ought to make the hearts of the "Mars" boys feel gay,
Because thine equal nowhere can be seen,
Only near by Dundee and the bonnie Magdalen Green.

Read the rest of the original poem here.
Download the mp3 here.

Celestial Hip-Hop News

The MC Pseudo-Dionysius, in collaboration with Gold Diamonds, have released our heaven-rending debut Celestial Hip-Hop EP The Celestial Hierarchy.

Download a zip file of the mp3s here (click on the bottom of the image to the right!


Also, there is now a MySpace Music page, so if you belong to that venerable network, please graciously befriend us, promote us, listen to us. & this should also provide further ample opportunities to download the entire album for free, play it loud at your swanky parties, & rejoice.

http://www.myspace.com/mcpseudodionysius
Send a friend request

There were many requests that I post the lyrics to the album, as some few of them are obscure. I don't want to post the text of it, as there are a few naughty moments, but I have created a handy pdf file of the complete libretto, which can be perused as the curious listener desires - - I apologize for the many typos, as well as for much of the content.

Inaugural Doggerel: Andy Griffith's Wife's Rhymes Is Tight

None other than rapper Andy Griffith MC'd at the North Carolina's gubernatorial inauguration. The free-form doggerel his wife wrote is posted below the video of him reciting it. The strangest thing about the video, it takes place IN THE FUTURE, dated January 19th 2009. Old white men really are the future of hip-hop.

North Carolina is my home
I no longer have to roam
When I see our morning sun
I know there's work to be done
Gov. Bev Perdue is the person we choose
because there's so much she can do.
She will need our best to achieve her quest
to be the person we need so we may succeed
Please grant us the peace
to allow her to lead
God bless her and keep her
and always be near her.
As she opens a door
as never before
So as the New Year starts
let us open our hearts
As I trot out again to say
Hello to my friends
I grant I know that all will be great
For our grand Old North State.

The Celestial Hierarchy EP - Compete album in ZIP file, Celestial Hip-Hop with MC Pseudo-Dionysius & Gold Diamonds

Presenting now the full EP, in an easily downloadable ZIP file. The Revolutionary Debut Celestial Hip-Hop Masterpiece, with Gold Diamonds & MC Pseudo-Dionysius, (a mere 17 minutes long!) including the hit singles Virtue & Big Bathtub. (If you've already downloaded some of the tracks, delete them & download this instead, I've made a few more minor remastering changes).

Download the ZIP file here.

If iTunes doesn't know the track names, here's the info:
Artist: MC Pseudo-Dionysius with Gold Diamonds
Album: The Celestial Hierarchy EP
Track 1: The Celestial Hierarchy (individual mp3)
Track 2: God's Angels are Curvy (individual mp3)
Track 3: Chastitty (individual mp3)
Track 4: Hillelujah (individual mp3)
Track 5: Virtue (individual mp3)
Track 6: Big Bathtub (individual mp3)

The Celestial Hierarchy 6. Big Bathtub

Celestial Hip-Hop, the debut EP, The Celestial Hierarchy, with MC Pseudo-Dionysius & Gold Diamonds, Track Six: "Big Bathtub." Click on the bathing angel to download the mp3 - Also, I've remastered some of the earlier tracks below, so give them another listen.

"Pass the proboscis of the nargileh, this oasis is on par with all the priciest resorts in paradise."

The Celestial Hierarchy 5. Virtue

I feel good about this one, like it could be the hit single on the album - the album being THE CELESTIAL HIERARCHY with your MC Pseudo-Dionysius & your Gold Diamonds, the debut EP for Celestial Hip-Hop. Watch the third verse, it contains a defense of the angel-breasts-theme, if that's beginning to weary anyone besides its creator. Track 5, the next angel, VIRTUE.

"They're large - The curves on this girl are cartoonishly engorged."
I remastered it again! listen to it again with headphones.

The Celestial Hierarchy 4. Hillelujah

Track Four, against your will, The Celestial Hierarchy EP is coming into your life, ravaging your soul, & this one is called "Hillelujah". Gold Diamonds with the MC Pseudo-Dionysius; also listen to: Track One, Track Two, Track Three. (Download the mp3 by clicking on the angel, or push play below, watch where you click your mouse.)

"Their harmonies are thin because they don't know Jesus.
They may live in the hills but they lack the ascension."

The Celestial Hierarchy 3. Chastitty

Track Three from our revolutionary Celestial Hip-Hop debut album, THE CELESTIAL HIERARCHY. The MC Pseudo-Dionysius with Gold Diamonds, they're in the monastereo, right now, here's "Chastitty".

(Tracks 1 & 2 are here & here, download the mp3 by clicking on the angel.)

"The saints with most enormous busts have learned how to refrain their lusts"


I'm re-remastered this one too, so give it another listen with headphones.

The Celestial Hierarchy 2. God's Angels are Curvy

I hope you're on the edge of your motherloving seats, females dry your areas, because Gold Diamonds with the Mysterious Mystic MC Pseudo-Dionysius are tearing thru their first EP, THE CELESTIAL HIERARCHY, coming right at you, here's track Two "God's Angels are Curvy". Live large among the lambent stars.
(Click on the angel to download the mp3)

"...the size of creation, to nurse civilization from the demon's curse...

Update: Okay, the semi-final remastering is up, along with the full EP. Download it now!