February 17, 2011

Special Report: If the man in the moon were A) cookie (a sometimes food), or B) a racist stereotype

The Moon: The Final Frontier. Someday man might dream of going there, and finally taste it's sweet sweet rocks. Today we explore two forgotten songs about the mysterious orb of night (& sometimes, freakishly, day.) First, Cookie Monster images "If Moon Were Cookie":


If moon was cookie, me think me would be
The happiest monster you've ever seen.
I'd put on a spacesuit and up through the night.
I'd ride in a rocket and go take a bite.

Me take bite from here, me take bite from there,
And pretty soon me bite everywhere.
Me eat with both hands, don't need fork or spoon.
I'd chew it all up, until there's no moon.

If moon was Cookie, it wouldn't be fine,
'Cause if me ate it, then it wouldn't shine.
Me come to the window and look up at night,
But no little moonbeams would give me the light.

So me not like to say it, but it clear to me
We're lucky that moon is not a cookie.

Disturbing, but it get's worse.
Next, we delve deeper into the darker chapters of American music, as Ada Jones sings this 1905 Fred Fisher song "If the Man in the Moon were a Coon."

Ada Jones - If the Man in the Moon Were a Coon (1907) .mp3
Found at bee mp3 search engine
Say Jasper, t'aint no use talking,
Even though you talk from now til noon
Don't try to tell me, Mr. Know-It-All,
A coon is up in the moon!

Why, a ni---, with his brown figure
Certainly darkens up the silvery moon
Wake up! You're dreaming with your eyes a-glare,
You great big foolish coon!

If the man in the moon were a coon, coon, coon,
What would you do?
He would fade with his shade the silvery moon, moon, moon
Away from you

No roaming 'round the park at night
No spooning in the bright moonlight
If the man in the moon were a coon, coon, coon.

Most everyone has heard stories that a chicken am a coon's delight
Just think the dangers to a hen roost with that good old moon out of sight
Indeed chicken would be soft pickin'
If the man up in the moon were black
Oh my! the harvest for that darkey ,
With that great big sack on his back

If the man in the moon were a coon, coon, coon,
What would you do?
He would fade with his shade the silvery moon, moon, moon
Away from you
No roaming 'round the park at night
No spooning in the bright moonlight
If the man in the moon were a coon, coon, coon.

Delightfully repulsive, but notice some bizarre coincidences between moon songs Coon & Cookie. Both imagine a world where the moon has gone dark. What would be the actual scientific result of this? We would no longer have tides going in or out, which would shake to the core Bill O'Reilly's confidence in God's mystery. Also, it would make women less crazy.
Historical attitudes have evolved since these songs were written. In modern times, we like black people. And Cookie Monster has redefined cookie as a "sometimes food." So, be proud that we live in an enlightened age, where even if the moon became either cookie or African American, it would continue to shine its creepy LED luminescence to the Earth during the night (& sometimes, freakishly, during the day.)

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