Girlfriend Doggerel: II. Dolly the Doll

Dolly the Doll

My girlfriend Dolly was a doll,
I dated her on & off for a decade.
She wasn’t petite, but she was small,
She was in season in the late fall
When color from the aspens starts to fade.

She wouldn’t blow mine, but I could sure blow hers.
She was as temperamental as the temperature.
She was especially slippery in the showers:
I could lather her up for hours,
And she would wash away with soapy water.

My girlfriend Dolly was chaste as a box of crayons,
And she was as queenly as a royal mustard.
As arm candy, I would take her to St Johns,
Where the vicar told me she looked like Beyoncé.
Afterward, she let me lick her all over covered in custard.

She wouldn’t show me on a map where she was born,
So I never told her my real first name.
We had a relationship of trust & scorn,
She came as early as songbirds in the morn,
And she could flee as fleetingly as celebrity’s fame.

My girlfriend Dolly was a duck in the pond:
She could be monogamous but was also a bit wet on the bottom.
The roots of her hair were sometimes blond,
But her split-ends stretched to the great beyond.
She was all-in-one a John, a whore & a madam.

She wouldn’t blow me, but I could blow her up.
She was as temperamental as chocolate’s temper.
Like an overproduced musical, she flopped,
And last month when I poked her, she popped,
And they don’t make them anymore like her.

Art by Olaf Mary from www.liamgolden.com

Girlfriend Doggerel: I. Fontelyn Brotemy

Fontelyn Brotemy

A girl called Fontelyn Brotemy was my lover in 2010,

She had legs that went all the way down to the floor,

She was easy to please, but she was also easy to bore,

And she knew me as well as she had known plenty men.

I would rather have Fontelyn Brotemy than none at all.

I once asked her if she dreamt in color when she dozed,

And she told me she couldn’t see anything with her eyes closed,

And then she tied me down & did naughty things with a snake's rattle.

I took Fontelyn Brotemy to Ohio to meet my parents.

They asked her why she had dropped out of nursing school,

And she told them she believed in the golden rule,

And since no one had ever nursed her, she couldn't be bothered to care for patients.

I would rather have Fontelyn Brotemy than an open flesh-wound.

She brushed her teeth five times a day to fight off plaque,

And she had curves like an ATV race track.

She liked to role-play as Ahab & Moby Dick, & be repeatedly harpooned.

I took Fontelyn Brotemy to Rome to meet the Pope.

He asked her if she always met the leaders of world religions wearing a bikini,

And she told the Pope, I wanted you to fully see me.

She left Rome with a decent tan & a purse full of the hotel’s complementary soap.

I would rather have Fontelyn Brotemy than a bottle of Fernet.

When she left me for a Republican Congressman from Utah,

I asked her if she had used me for my oom-pah-pah,

And she told me keep my tuba in tune: I hadn’t heard the last of her yet.

Art by Olaf Mary from www.liamgolden.com

New Song: "My Space"

Here's a demo recording a brand spanking new song called "My Space," to play with The Manna Tease. It's a song about how everybody used to be in my space, but now nobody is in my space.




That demo is in E, but here are the lyrics & chords in D (as I've been practicing with The Manna Tease.) That demo mp3 is available here. Friends Around the Campfire is on facebook here.

My Space

D emin7/C# bmin A
A drowsy tremor runs thru the rushes,
D emin7/C# bmin A F#7
Pan awakens & spring- time blushes.
bmin Gmaj7 A F#7
Curse the morn, & curse the fully employed.
bmin Gmaj7 A
I’m weary & worn, I’m lonesome... & annoyed.

B7 emin emin/D

Everybody was in my space.

C#7 f#min f#min/E

Now nobody is in my space.

D7 G G/F#

I pity the whole space race.

emin bmin

The times have been fun,

A D

But now I’m alone.

There is always space for beauty.
I’m amazed at our nation's natural piety.
The throstle cock finds room for another song:
My friends are gone, but that throstle cock will sing along.

Everybody was in my space, &c...

My face in profile, my followers offended,
I loved your style before I was unfriended.
Close my eyes, but leave open my air quotes.
I'll plagiarize from Florence Earle Coates.

Everybody was in my space, &c...

[final chorus] The times have been fun,

But now it is done.

©The Manna Tease 2011

Videos: The Manna Tease's FIRST GIG - 8 April 2011

It was very dark at this show on Russell St, Berkeley. But I'll post these dark videos of a couple of the songs we sang, because it was our FIRST GIG! & the sound quality is in HD.

The classic novelty song Dead Puppies! in memory of the beloved house dog's recent passing:
It's a Snoopy Snoopy Poop Doggy Ratty Rat World. This song (with lyrics) previously discussed here. Our demo mp3 of this song & others for sale here.

Another from our corn whiskey set, the song "Corn Liquor" by Well Strung. See our useful How To Make Corn Liquor SONGBOOK for lyrics & chords.

And finally, Jesus Christ is a Big Fat Man & Bleck Ram. Please "like" The Manna Tease on facebooks here! If you missed us on Russell St, we'll play again soon!

INTRODUCING Lost Mix Tape was lost!

GUESS WHAT?

THERE IS A WHOLE NEW BLOG.

IT IS DEDICATED TO FINDING 

THE LOST MIX TAPES WAS LOST!

VOLUMES ONE THROUGH TWENTY ONE.

THE FIRST VOLUME IS NOW AVAILABLE.

COME ON OVER AND GIVE A LISTEN 

AND JOIN US FOR THE REMAINING JOURNEY.

LOST MIX TAPES WAS LOST!

Itwaslost GOOGLY SEARCH TERMS 2011

It's been a while since we've rounded up the search terms that led people to this blog. So without further ado, straight from our Statistical Department, is the top ten itwaslost-bound Google search terms:

1. curling jokes
2. firewhiskey recipe
3. michael jackson castration
4. purple flag
5. firewhiskey
6. itwaslost
7. famous non drivers
8. flag of the world
9. michael jackson castrat
10. black ram

In case you missed the significance, HOORAY! Michael Jackson's testicles are NO LONGER the top search idea leading people to this blog! (That and 'purple flag' were 1 & 2 for years.) That means, to give audiences what they want, we need to start producing more content about curling humor and Harry Potter recipes. Now, for fun, I went thru the long list and picked out the funniest search terms that led people here:

a hunks pennis
albino alligator for sale
ample mammaries
castracted the 14 tears old boy cause i love him so much
cloud fat woman shape
dirtiest panties
drinking corn whiskey
girls taking hookah pictures
great white marijuana sewer gator myth
grindelwald release a handkerchief
how to make corn likker
how to make corn liqueur
how to mix corn licquour
james welsch porn
man on manatee
rhymes with smurfs
shocking gelded men pics
song socks with sandals
the dirtiest panties ever
vapid innocuous euphemisms
very preggo
we found it .org
"dugong jokes"
"get a fucking job is all"
"giant tree trunk piece of ass"

Those are all culled from only the last month. This website has written about such a wide range of strange topics over the years, it's always surprising to see what people are out there looking for, and hopefully we helped them find it. M.M.M. suggested that "Man on Manatee" be the name of the next album for The Manna Tease. I love the concept of "corn liqueur." If we figure out how to make it, you'll read it here first. Also, I'm psyched that people are finding this website from searching for words that rhyme with 'smurf.' Good morning!

An tEach Uisce and Irish Pictures

An tEach Uisce and Irish Pictures

Song: Copper Kettle - The Manna Tease

Here's a homemade "studio" demo recording of The Manna Tease playing "Copper Kettle," the classic moonshining folk song.

If you desire to own that mp3, it's for sale for LESS THAN A DOLLAR here. Our epic corn liquor song book (including lyrics & chords to this version of Copper Kettle) is here: bit.ly/cornliquor. Please follow the Manna Tease on facebooks here.

We've sung this song on youtube before if you recall:

Ciao!

Donald Trump: WHY WON'T YOU RELEASE YOUR BIRTH CERTIFICATE!?

Potential Republican Presidential Candidate Donald Trump released his birth certificate to Newsmax this week. However, he only released a internet image of a short-form, probably faked document. Patriots of this country are now left to wonder: WHY WON'T HE RELEASE HIS BIRTH CERTIFICATE? Here is the "image" he "released":

Several glaring questions are now raised in this new festering conspiracy:

1) Even if this document is legitimate, it still does not say anywhere on it that Jamaica Hospital is in New York, U.S.A. This could be Jamaica, Jamaica, or, more probably, Jamaica, Libya. (That's right: Libya, hostile nation to U.S.A. and also an atheist mooslim country in North Africa.)

2) The document uses wordage like "whereof" which is silly and I have never seen a real birth certificate using the word "whereof" therein, therefore it is clearly a forgery thereof. Q.E.D.

3) Two words: LOOSE SEAL. (Mother!)

4) Speaking of mothers, Donald Trump's was Scottish. So even if Trump was born in Queens in 1946, her British citizenship would make Trump an alien limey, a citizen of the British Empire (including Kenya), and it would be illegal for him to also be a citizen of the U.S.A. (as it clearly says in Article X-49 in the Constitution.) We have never had a President who was born in the British Empire (except for Washington, Adams, Jefferson, Monroe, Adams, and Jackson.)

Do the right thing, Trump. Put this controversy to rest. If you aspire to be the President of the United States, RELEASE YOUR BIRTH CERTIFICATE!