Doggerel Poem about Evelyn Waugh

Away, Evelyn Waugh, away!

I have no time for your books today!

I have no time for Evelyn Waugh!
And if I did, I would probably spend it upon a see-saw!

Even if I had time for Evelyn Waugh-tays,
I would probably spend it drinking decaf soy lattes.

I have no time for a man named Evelyn,
Or men named Gwen or Len or Jen, neither.
Or Democratic Astronauts named Glenn.
I don't especially like Condoleeza Rice either.

I read one of your books when I was a kid,
I thought you were a woman named Evelyn;
I have already read Brideshead Revisited,
Do you expect me to read it again & again?

I have no time for you, Evelyn Waugh-rence,
And if I did, I would spend it looking at Titian's Martyrdom of St. Laurence:


What are your loves, Evelyn, what do you fear?
Was Oxford really so homoerotic?
When I went to Oxford, I got an abscess gall behind my ear,
And I had to take a pretty strong antibiotic.

I don't know much about World War One,
And I don't care about posh socialites in the twenties,
But if I had a cent for every word you wrote, Evelyn,
I'd have a lot of pennies.

Away, Evelyn Waugh, away!
I'll read your nineteen novels & extensive travel diaries another day!