I'm Engaged to be Wed on the Facebooks:

Miss Martichka & I set up this make-your-own facebook scandal. Which, I must say, didn't hit as hard as we hoped, even after we posted a few "Get me to the Church on Time" videos on each other's walls, & a link to the South Lake Tahoe's Chapel of the Bells. Anyway, this correspondence with her mom resulted:

Leah P____ December 15 at 6:04am

I understand I am to be your future Mother-in-law. Hope you're up to the job! :-)

James W____ December 15 at 11:23am

Hi Mum
I love your daughter very much. I will treat her as my little doll in my dollhouse. We may not have much in this world, but with what little I got, she will be my queen. I've got a chicken, a goat, ample semen, an heirloom collection of rare spider venoms (which have to be kept at a constant 45 degrees), and of course her father's dowry, from which we can start a life. We will only be living with you while the first baby or two is incubating, and then once my poetry career takes off, I hope to make the down payment on our very own triple-wide trailer. I love your daughter very much,
Yours Truly,
Jas. H. W____

Leah P____ December 15 at 2:40pm

Son: You'll be saving a ton not having to heat the dollhouse much, keeping the venoms cool and all! But don't feel you have to rush out of the family home. We sure don't want to stress you out and have you lose the flow of words to put to paper! And you're an ambitious type, I can tell, especially with your vision of a triple-wide!! I couldn't be happier for you two! It's great to have such kin!!! Mom-to-Be Mrs. P