Mimosas at Harold Camping's Family Radio Studios on May 21, 2011?

I thought bringing champagne to Harold Camping's Family Radio headquarters on Hegenberger Road in Oakland on the morning of the Rapture was an intriguing idea, and set up a private facebook invite for it months ago. However since then, after discussing it with other practicing members of the Mimosas Witnesses, we've sort of decided it was a bad idea for several reasons:

-Difficulty of getting people to Hegenberger Road for any reason.

-Possibility of offending or confronting people over there during a time full of expectations.

-Possibility of being cited for public drinking, or worse.

In regards to the first point, I was just reading relevant sections of the Gospel of Matthew, and Jesus makes the following warning about False Prophets: "Wherefore if they shall say unto you, Behold, he is in the desert; go not forth: behold, he is in the secret chambers; believe it not." -Matt. 24:26. Hegenberger Road is a barren trafficky street between the Oakland Coliseum and the Oakland Airport, and if any urban location qualifies as the wilderness, it does. Therefore I would recommend taking Jesus' advice and not letting a false prophet entice you to go to the desert. (This is a bit of a tangent, but the next verse, Matt. 24:27, describes the arrival of Jesus thusly: "For as the lightning cometh out of the east, and shineth even unto the west; so shall also the coming of the Son of man be." What does Camping make of that bible verse, as he has said Judgment Day will be a slow moving earthquake which will move from East to West and hit every time zone at exactly 6pm? a bit slower than the speed of light.)

I've been invited to no fewer than three other rapture parties in the next 24 hours, but I still desired some sort of pilgrimage on Saturday to see the scene. Especially after I read SF Chronicle journalist Justin Berton's 2010 article about Harold Camping, "On Sept. 6, 1994, dozens of Camping's believers gathered inside Alameda's Veterans Memorial Building." (That was the last time he predicted Judgment Day on an exact date.) Not finding any evidence of a Camping-sponsored party myself, I e-mailed Berton asking if he knew of a gathering or if Camping was having a press conference somewhere some time, and to let me know if he heard anything. Berton wrote back and said that Camping had advised his followers to stay at home with their loved ones this time around.

That e-mail exchange continued for a few more e-mails, and I mentioned my idea of having mimosas in the parking lot of Camping's studios. I think I was fairly vague about actual plans, and told him our updated plan was to ring in Friday night (Tonight! when the giant earthquakes are supposed to first hit the Pacific Rim) in a cemetery, and attempt to call my friend Shani in Jerusalem, who agreed to go to the Mount of Olives for a live report. However, he mentioned it in front page article in the Chronicle yesterday, "May 21, 2011: Rapture or Party Time?"

Mocking and concern

A few nonbelievers have suggested throwing a party outside Family Radio's headquarters Saturday night, mimosas in hand. Other skeptics, however, say the fact that Camping has assembled a dedicated following is nothing to laugh at.

I think I can assume I inspired that paragraph. It leaves me in a bind tho, because I don't want to throw a party on Hegenberger Road, especially not Saturday night, and we intended no "Mocking" or "concern." More disconcertingly, the article's main objective is to create a false dichotomy between "Rapture" and "Party Time," and lumps us in with "a few nonbelievers."At least he got the key word "mimosas" right, otherwise "nonbelievers," "party," and "night" seem to be invented by the journalist. (I definitely said "pilgrimage" in my e-mail to him.) Anyway, I don't mean to parse words, it was otherwise a great article by Berton, and it was awesome he mentioned mimosas at Family Radio Studios.

I'm mostly composing this blog post and posting it on Rapture Eve in case anyone read that in the Chronicle & was wanting to know more. The Mimosas Witnesses are not organizing a gathering at the radio station, however we might still make a pilgrimage sometime. If anyone out there is inspired by the idea, and wants to go to Hegenberger Road of their own accord, please do, but at least consider my hesitations listed above. It might be fun to cause a scene there, anyway. But remember the Mimosas Witnesses is an inclusive religion of peace, and over all a religion of AM cocktails. If you'd like to know more about the Mimosas Witnesses, please read my pamphlet below.

False prophets with multi-million dollar budgets have the ability to do massive harm. Jesus said they come in sheep's clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves. In Harold Camping's case, he looks like crap. Many people are taking this seriously (as has been well reported this week in articles in the NY Times and NPR), selling off their life savings, &c. The U.S. has a high population who believe the Second Coming of Christ will occur in their lifetimes, and many are highly suggestible. Interestingly, I was looking through the Wikipedia's list of previous exact dates set for Judgment Day, and many of the previous Prophets of This-Or-That-Day were not wholly cast out by their followers. They include such luminaries as Swedenborg, William Miller (of the Adventists & also Baha'i,) Charles Taze Russell (of the Jehovah's Witnesses,) Joseph Smith Jr., Benjamine Creme, Sun Myung Moon, &c &c. So this could not be the end of Harold Camping, depending on how he spins the results of the events tomorrw. (It wasn't the end of him in 1994.) In any event, Camping suggests going about business as usual tomorrow, so please have mimosas with your loved ones somewhere.

Update: According to Scott James in today's New York Times / Bay Citizen, Family Radio Studios has been empty since Monday:

Inside the sprawling, threadbare Oakland headquarters of Family Radio Worldwide the staff has prepared for the end of the world this weekend — and it appears they mean it.

“There’s so little time left,” a smiling elderly woman said, hugging a colleague.

On Monday, the last day outsiders were welcome inside the gated compound, recording studios sat empty. Current programming for the independent Christian broadcast ministry was produced weeks ago. No more shows are needed.

Join the Mimosas Witnesses

Do you wake up on Sunday Morning with a thirst for life? Do you wake up on Sunday Morning with your head pounding from a life well lived? You should join the Mimosas Witnesses.

The Mimosas Witnesses' central and only tenet is the drinking of fruit juice-based wine cocktails in the morning. The Mimosas Witnesses is as non-exclusive religion, and you may join in addition to already being a member of another religion. We do require a tithe, which no member has ever complained about, as the ten percent or more of your income tithed we ask you to spend on booze for your consumption and to share with friends.

This religion is not a parody of any Christian religion. It is a faith of life. Many practicing Christians do not believe in transubstantiation, although Jesus’ direct quotes from the Gospel of John explicitly require it. “Whosover eateth my flesh, and drinketh my blood, hath eternal life.” -John 6:54. He defines His body as delicious bread, and His blood as fully alcoholic wine, which He then gifts to those He most loves. It may surprise you to learn that most so-called Christians do not drink wine during church service, even though Jesus was unambiguous about the ingredients of communion. He was a bit vague on the varietal of grape to be used, but there is little disagreement that champagne is the most divine kind of wine. As long as you are amongst friends and drinking wine, you are participating in a sacred gathering.

It has long been believed by Jewish peoples and many other biblical scholars that oranges were the famous fruits in the Garden of Eden which led to Adam’s downfall. Whether or not this is true, it is believed by many more that the juice from the orange is delicious. This mixing of the earthly juice with the sacred wine has created history’s most perfect cocktail.

Come, witness a mimosa! Join the Mimosas Witnesses! Mix wine with juice and share it with friends or strangers.

Jesus Christ is a big fat man - The Manna Tease Special Single B-Side

And, as a B-Side to "It's a Snoopy Snoopy Poop Doggy Ratty Rat World," here's a spicy new homemade studio demo of "Jesus Christ is a big fat man." My mother pointed out that Jesus Christ was a skinny man, but I say, teach the controversy.

This recording includes the fourth verse that Minnie Mary Molly wrote, "Jesus Christ had his own cooking show, &c..." Here we go:

Yes, this song is also available FOR SALE, for $0.99, as well as "It's a Snoopy &c...," at this Manna Tease store here.

Won't you please "like" The Manna Tease on facebooks here?

The lyrics and chords to "Jesus Christ is a big fat man" can be found in this earlier post here, and we practiced it on youtube here. Thank you, come again!

Jesus Christ is a big fat man

Next, an original song called "Jesus Christ is a big fat man." We don't court controversy, but it is our cross to bear to be the carriers of truth-bearing crosses. And Necessity, that fickle goddess. Also, this song was inspired by the Fat, Happy Buddha, who is not the Bodhisattva but a future, fatter, happier Buddha. I thought, Christianity needs one of those:


Please "like" our hot new band The Manna Tease on the facebook fan page here. Artwork for the single "Jesus Christ is a big fat man" (not yet recorded) by Grainne Proinseas, and there's more in this photo album. T-shirts coming soon!?
Here are the lyrics & chords:

Jesus Christ is a big fat man

D f#min A
Jesus Christ was resurrected,
D f#min A
Died & came back, as was expected.
G A
When you rise from hell, you know what you want?
G emin A
You head straight for the first restaurant.

G bmin A f#min

Jesus Christ is a big fat man,

G bmin A f#min

He eats as much as he possibly can.

G bmin A f#min

Eats like he knows the world can’t last.

G emin A

You can follow him - he’s not going fast.

Jesus Christ walked into a bar
With a ninja & a rabbi & a Bollywood star.
A guy in the corner called them a bunch of fairies.
But Christ forgave him, & ordered a round of Bloody Marys.

Jesus Christ would feed the hungry,
But he also would feed his big rumbly belly.
He could feed the multitudes with loaves & fishes,
But he also knew dozens of other delicious dishes.

Additional verse by Minnie Molly Mary:

Jesus Christ got his own cooking show,
Where he would make his world famous cookie dough,
His speciality sauces, and complex fondues.
Challenge him to a cook-off, and you’re bound to lose.

© The Manna Tease 2011

UPDATE: Jesus Christ is a big fat man SPECIAL B-SIDE SINGLE now out:


And this song & more FOR SALE for a buck each at this store:

Jesus Christ is a Liberal Democrat

"Jesus Christ is a Big Fat Man" has not yet hit the singles charts, but Colbert last night took on the age-old dichotomy of Christ's beliefs vs. Christ's followers' beliefs. (The anti-Socialist Christians clearly haven't read the beginning of Acts, where the apostles set up a hippie commune. Nor, for that matter, basically anything Christ said in red.)

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Jesus Is a Liberal Democrat
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor & Satire Blog March to Keep Fear Alive

Advent Calendar of Non-Overplayed Christmas Songs No. VI

For Day Six of our Advent Calendar of Non-Overplayed Christmas Songs, here's a video of Peter Amidon rehearsing the song "Brightest & Best" at the Amidon House two years ago, as featured at Mary Alice Amidon's blog Idumea:

UPDATE: Here's an mp3 of a similar version, from an album called "Voices of Appalachia":

	Voices of Appalachia - Brightest and Best .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

Ballad of Joe "The Rat" (or, "Fart of Darkness") Singer, and setting the stage for rampage.

What a panic's in Joe the Rat's breast: He's first at being worst,
The little coward, cute in spite of his acute cussedness,
His iron smile's a magnet for fists,
His FBI file's filed in the slits in his wrists,
He's lost his sandals--, it's like he's lost in Jesus' hearse--,
But with a cup of splenda-sweetened coffee, he feels quite reimbursed.

I met Joe the Rat at the Princeton Graduation Parade,
Dressed in a Paisley orange-and-black sports jacket,
His silhouette was like Mohammad,
His brunette girlfriend drinking anisette
In the Jersey sunshine. I asked him if he was afraid
Of the Pine Barrens, and he asked me if I was getting paid.

In Late May before the beaches are cleaned up--,
(I'm a robot on a planet of toe mold and plastic bottles) --,
A plastic detector can detect synthetic turtles.
She leaves her egg on Neptune, and waddles
Into the Atlantic Ocean: And Joe the Rat, too crooked to be corrupt,
Like a Panjandrum of the filth, makes an omelet out of her abandoned pup.

I met Joe the Rat at a nasty bar literally underneath the turn-pipe.
Splendor! Splenetic and waspish, there wasn't one free bar stool,
So I sat on the floor in a pool of someone's drool,
He splenda-sweetened voice was measured but cruel,
When he asked me if I would like his seat, his squinty glance like a sniper's snipe,
And in wafted odors from the Natural Flavoring factories which smelled exactly like pickled honeycomb tripe.

What a panic's in Joe the Rat's breast: now the scandal's broken, too,
The little coward blames the gossip industry
For shopping for more than it can stir-fry,
And petty fogs more ostentatious than actually costly.
Now the scandal's broken--, he's lost his bus token, too--,
It's like he's lost beneath Jesus' noose, among the choken few.

I met Joe the Rat nude in an antique store,
And asked him if the conspiracy goes all the way to the top, and fast:
What do you want? his brunette girlfriend asked,
And told me that the first shall be the last:
Every valley shall be exalted, but wait, there's more,
And then she grabbed onto Joe's tail and they scurried into a hole in the floor.

Shisha Poetry from the Archive: "I want to smoke with you Jesus Christ"

A short story I wrote in college, "The Arabian Bird; or, The Intrigue of the Arabian Bird", a sort of dense pretentious mystical private-eye mystery, had some 'additional poetry' written for it (around 2004). This was the final poem of the set, an idea I've returned to many times, about sharing a hookah with Jesus.

IX.
I want to smoke with you Jesus Christ.
I want to pass the proboscis of the nargileh
Between me & you & all the saints & martyrs,
(Especially the visionary teenage girls like Perpetua & Felicitas,
& also especially Ignatius because he’s so damned witty).
We would see the electricity of the campfire
Be orphically mysticized by our fumy exhalings,
But I wouldn’t care, because my savior would sit beside me,
A fat Havana dripping from his lips as he lectured softly:
I give to thee a purer smoke, sans briar,
Although that cigarillo’s also good,
For in it you shall find parts of my fire,
As even dormice bleed grains of my blood.

W.C. Fields once said:
Did I ever tell you about the time,
When we were hiking through the mountains of Lebanon,
& we couldn’t find a corkscrew,
So we had to survive on food & water.

The Gospel of the Shisha Illumination on Scribd

Another test of the internet vanity press website Scribd, this older work "the Gospel of the Shisha" will also appear in the upcoming collection Prophecy & Doggerel.

"Breathe slower, make your breathing perfect, & your breathing will beget more breathing."

With old-timey photos by Mr Quill & a painting by Grainne Proinseas.

Gospel of the Shisha - S. Sandrigon

Classic Christian LP Cover Art

Someone on the facebooks just posted a link to these "worst album covers ever created", including "Let Me Touch Him" & The Handless Organist. (My friend Mr Holden said there's a town in England called Handless & he thought "The Handless Arms" should be their pub name.) Click on her for the link to more.

Special Report: Is Dolly Parton Anti-Gravity?

We need an emergency band meeting to discuss the lyrics to the Dolly Parton single Jesus and Gravity. It seems to be a new song from a year ago, (wikipedia says she performed it on American Idol in April 2008) and it is released on her last album, Backwoods Barbie, her 42nd studio album. The song, Jesus & Gravity, by songwriting legend Craig Wiseman & Betsy Ulmer, is an uplifting spiritual, about the forces giving her wings & holding her down. Here's the video:


I was disturbed by the ambiguity Ms Parton showed toward gravity. The great majority of the lyrics in the song are about Jesus lifting her up. Of gravity, she says very little, juxtaposing it with Jesus in the chorus:

Something lifting me up,
Something holding me down,
Something to give me wings,
And keep my feet on the ground,
I've got all I need: Jesus and Gravity.

"Holding me down" has a negative tone, but we assume it is useful to keep people from bumping their heads on the ceiling. It is tyrannical oppression. "Keep my feet on the ground", tho, implies sound reasoning & keeping it real. So is gravity a heavy but necessary evil preparing the singer for spiritual ascension?

But wait! Since when has gravity been the baddie in gospel songs? The devil, as a metaphysical force compelling one towards immoral behavior, is a stock villian. There are the forces of nature, sexual desire, deadly sins, and other natural impulses tying mortals to the cycles of Mother Earth, these are often treated with resentment from the sacred songwriter & grumpy poets like T.S. Eliot. But Gravity?

"I've got all I need," sings Dolly. Other lyricists might beg to differ, that gravity is superfluous when she has Jesus. So what is her definition of gravity? Creationists could remind us that, like Darwin's suspect Theory of Evolution, Isaac Newton's ideas are mere theories and unproven. Perhaps Kansan school boards have their sights too narrow, and we should have notices in text books casting doubt on the Laws of Motion. The standard theory, after all, would make certain biblical miracles unlikely, not to mention rising from the dead.

Before I take this too far, I'll conclude that Dolly Parton's gravity is a synecdoche for many natural forces - which both tie us to this earth & help us walk thru life. In my final college thesis on the Gospel of John (in which Jesus offers himself as a better way to satisfy many different hungers), I wrote "Desire and hunger, with their upper reflection of love, are the metaphysical laws of gravity and attraction." I was thinking in neoplatonic terms, that there are indeed hierarchies within these attractions, and that earthly love is a fallen version of heavenly love. They are related, a sort of greyscale between them. Therefore, natural gravity (which is the attraction of bodies) can be seen as a version of spiritual gravity. On this corrupt earth, it may seem that one force is holding you down & another lifting you up, but when things have been righted, all bodies will be pulled towards the Godhead. Dolly Parton is experiencing strong pulls in both directions, which may be why she appears so skinny these days. And besides her huge faith, in other ways, other parts of her have always defied gravity.

Correspondences: Pascal T-Rex

Happy Maundy Thursday! I wrote the song El Cerrito last year, with a melody stolen from a Spanish Civil War song, about the passion of Christ, & have had the opportunity a couple times to sing it with some old friends. Mrs Whiting Smith & I sung it while camping in the rain in Multnomah County last autumn. It contains a lyric where I compare the death of the king of kings to the extinction of the king of the dinosaurs:

What did he give up for us?
What did he give up for us?
Extinction of the tyrannosaurus,
Jesus' assassinated,
Flowers have faded.

I just got an e-mail from Mrs Whiting Smith with the above picture of the "Pascal T-rex" & the comment "I saw this and thought of you. Return and Repent! Happy Easter!"
Here's the "strummy guitar" version of El Cerrito:

METATRON'S CUBE - Shape-Note Score & Demo Solo-Quartet Recording

Here is a new folk hymn with shaped-notes, written this winter for the Western Harmony. A tune about Enoch, it draws on several sources - first, Genesis Chapter 4, which describes how Enoch "walked with God"; second, the Metatron's Cube (Enoch became Metatron, the highest angel, in Jewish mythology), which is a "flower of life" in sacred geometry; in the Sacred Harp, the quote above the song "EXIT" is from Job, "He comes forth like a flower & is cut down", which I use & also echo the first few notes of the fuging section in Exit; & lastly the "round & round" bit in the circular fuging section is also a nod to the circles in Metatron's Cube. Download this demo mp3 here, there's a pdf of the score here.
Here's the lyrics:

METATRON'S CUBE

Mahalaleel lives eight hundred & ninety five winters,
He comes like a flower & is cut down.
Methuselah for one thousand years, dies among sinners,
Arise my soul & leave the ground.

Oh, but Enoch, old & holy Enoch,
Walks with God, & he is not,
For God takes him, takes him round & round.

Up on a little hill, Calvary, three trees bear blossoms,
He comes like a flower & is cut down.
And am I born to die, or can I fly from my tomb?
Arise my soul & leave the ground.

Oh, my Jesus, young & blessed Jesus,
Son of Man, & is cut down,
For God takes him, takes him round & round.

Murillo's Lesson

Here are the lyrics to the Sacred Harp song Murillo's Lesson, number 358 (lyrics credited from the Sacred Melodeon) a hymn especially popular (I just read) in Cleburne County, Alabama.

As down a lone valley with cedars o’erspread,
From war’s dread confusion I pensively strayed,
The gloom from the face of fair heaven retired,
The winds hushed their murmurs, the thunders expired.
Perfumes as of Eden flowed sweetly along,
A voice as of angels enchantingly sung,
Columbia, Columbia to glory arise,
The queen of the world and the child of the skies.

Fair science her gate to thy sons shall unbar,
And the east see thy morn hide the beams of her star.
New bards and new sages unrivalled shall soar
To fame unextinguished when time is no more.
To Thee the last refuge of virtue designed,
Shall fly from all nations the best of mankind;
There grateful to heaven with transport shall bring
To Jesus, the author of nations will sing.

I just found this amazing recording of Murillo's Lesson at this website, bee mp3, performed by Jimmy Wofford & the Churchmen. They have a pretty impressive website format, making tons of recordings from WFMU & old 78s free online, easy to download, & easy to embed:

	Jimmy Wofford and the Churchmen - Murillo's Lesson
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

He sings the shapes first, as custom with shape-note songs. There's several videos on the Youtubes of the Sacred Harp version:

Dydd Gŵyl Dewi Sant: "Merry Saint David's Day!"

Your majesty says very true: if your majesties is remembered of it, the Welchmen did goot service in a garden where leeks did grow, wearing leeks in their Monmouth caps; which, your majesty knows, is an honourable badge of the service: and, I do believe, your majesty takes no scorn to wear the leek upon Saint Tavy’s [St. David's] day.

William Shakespeare, Henry V, Act IV, Scene 7

Today is Saint David's Day, the Welsh national holiday, as good a day as any to wear a leek in your cap.
Dewi Ddyfrwr ate only bread & water (a classy ascetic diet, sort of an anti-North Beach, Jesus-only diet). He was known for making the ground rise below him (to better address large crowds), & letting gold-beaked doves land on his shoulder. Now listen to this beautiful Welsh singing:


I was also happy to find this image of Van Gough made out of leeks:

Paparazzi 2001: Great Lords & Ladies with Beards & Mustaches

Friend-of-the-Blog & good-woman-in-a-tight-corner Miss Annalee F. was photographed by undercover photojournalists at this SWANKY New York party, with a sequined woman on her arm & a fat bandito MUSTACHE on her face.

Scandalous! I trust the itwaslost.org treasury secretary will fully understand appropriating the entire spring budget to pay the paparazzi who snapped this shot.

When I was talking to the documentarian (mentioned below) who is just finishing her movie on the Beard Club, I asked if she met any bearded ladies. She said Jennifer Miller (pictured in an artsy Leibovitzy rendering to the right) of New York City's Circus Amok, is the most famous living bearded lady. More on this to come.

In the meantime, watch this classic Christian Rock from the 1980s.

Videos: World Beard & Mustache Championships; I love Jesus but I drink a little.

Ms Jessica Beer of Portland (pictured to the left conducting a choir of unbearded angels), today on the facebooks, called our attention to two videos. The first is from the 2003 World Beard & Mustache Championships in Carson City, Nevada.

Look! One of the men on the runway is the very mustache I posted below! In response to my "25 Things" note (which I'll probably post here tomorrow), she writes "There are only 107 days left until the World Beard and Moustache Championships. Do you have your ticket to Anchorage yet? http://www.worldbeardchampionships.com/index.html."
The Department of Beards & February Month of the Mustache are bearing so much fruit!

The second video is a fine moment in daytime talkshow history:

MULTNOMAH - Illuminated Shape-Note Score & mp3 of a read-thru

I wrote this song after I had been singing in Multnomah County, Oregon. & many Portland Singers came down to San Carlos, California, for the All-California Sacred Harp Convention Convention. & afterwards to a new music reading at Mark Miller's house in Berkeley, which was the first time this song has been read thru. Only the first & last verses are in this mp3 of the reading. The first, third, & fifth verses are from Isaac Watts. The illumination on the score is by Pele. Download a pdf of the score here.

MULTNOMAH

Fools never raise their thoughts so high
Like brutes they live, like brutes they die
Like grass they flourish till thy breath
Blasts them in everlasting, lasting death.

And congressmen who feign their faiths
Elected, spread the empty grace,
Like eggplants, poison till their fried,
They are forgotten past the last divide.

But I shall share a glorious part
When grace hath well refined my heart
And fresh supplies of joy are shed
Like holy oil, to cheer, to cheer my head.

All twelve dimensions will collapse!
Perceptions read omniscient maps,
My savior on Columbian soil
Will swap our peasant rags for garments royal.

Then I shall see & hear & know.
All I desired & wished below
And ev'ry pow'r find sweet employ
In that eternal world of, world of joy.

www.itwaslost.org New Years Resolutions

I have been thinking hard about how to make 2009 a super special year. It has often been noted that slight changes in behavior can have major long-reaching consequences. There's no better time than during Berkeley, California's cold dark winters to attempt to improve ourselves. If other itwaslost.org contributers wish to edit this blog-post & add more resolutions, I invite you to make it an open discussion.

-Stop going to see movies starring Philip Seymour Hoffman. I don't know why I kept making that mistake in 2008.
-Throw a mint julep party. I have a humongous bottle of Maker's Mark hidden in my apartment, which I bought a long time ago to throw a fabulous mint julep party. Why haven't I done this yet?
-Homeless people make me uncomfortable. I think I'm going to stay the course on this one.
-Pay more attention to ladies' butts. You ladies don't get enough credit for your butts. Occasionally, I hope to notify a lady if she has something special.
-Drink more beverages out of tall glasses. A tall glass of water. A tall glass of juice.
-Sing more hymnody in small groups.
-Date more white girls.
-There are several cocktails I wish to invent. Specifically, my idea for the Long Thailand Iced Tea, which would involve some combination of sweetened condensed milk, iced tea, & all the booze in Long Island.
-Jesus Christ walked on American Soil.
-Write a Text Message Novel. This has already started, more on that anon, but I would like to see this project thru.
-Female Professional Midget Wrestlers.
-616 Blog Posts. You probably saw this coming. That's like two a day. Are we up to it? The mathematical gods demand it.
-A new format for this website. I'd like it to be more magazine style, like the Huffington Post, with different sections, like Fashion & Architecture. We are looking at the horizon of greatness.

good music

for James and anyone else who got an i-tunes gift certificate for a holiday, I recommend you check out the 2-CD set I've been listening to for a couple weeks...it's called American primitive volume 2, pre-war revenants. If you want to just dive into some of the best tracks, my top picks (and they're all on itunes, I just checked) are:

the nugrape twins-
I got your ice cold nugrape
and
there's a city built of mansions.


Mattie May Thomas-
big mac from macamere
Dangerous blues
workhouse blues
no mo' freedom

Homer quincy smith-
I want Jesus to talk with me

Pigmeat Terry-
Black sheep blues

Elizabeth Johnson-
be my kid blues

Geeshie Wiley-
last kind words blues