Two Feet Tall - Lyrics & Chords

Here's a new song I wrote in Tahoe last week, and took a quick youtube of my initial practicing of it. It started out as a folk song, but evolved of its own volition into folk-reggae.

Two Feet Tall - Lyrics & Chords

E Esus E F#min B7
She was fated to be eliminated.
Esus E F#min B7
She was bloated the day she was promoted.
A Bsus C#min
She was flailin’ like a Palin,
Dmaj7 A
And shining like a nickel,
Bsus C#min
And feelin’ like New Zealan’,
Dmaj7 B7sus6 B7 B7sus6 B7
While mining for a pickle.

She was grumpy and dressing pretty frumpy,
She was angry at silly Lily Langtry.
She was diving off the ivy,
Then crashing on the pavement,
And sobbing like a robin
Dmaj7 B7sus6 B7 B7sus6 D7/B  
While splashing cross the raiment.

G F#min
I love a girl who’s only two feet tall,
Bmin7 D7/B
Her eggs are barren, but she cares about toaster ovens.
G F#
I like the curls that hide her prayer shawl.
Bmin7
Her legs are buried deep in the earth’s crust,
D7/B B7  D7/B B7
And I lost in her bust.

She was psychotic, and half-auto-erotic,
She was mothering, so much so she was smothering.
She was flying neath the oceans,
While hiding from the fighting,
And crying crystal potions,
Confiding in the lightning.

I love a girl who’s only two feet tall, &c.

She was gorgeous as Florida’s mortgages.
She could plagiarize, and she had a teenager’s thighs.

She’s stalling to be famous,

She photo-bombed on Fox News,

She’s crawling to Uranus,

With Pluto on her socks and shoes.

I love a girl who’s only two feet tall, &c.
I love a girl who’s only two feet tall, &c.
© 2012 The Manna Tease

News from Nevada: Bear Break-in!

In almost thirty years in their house at Lake Tahoe, my parents have never had a bear break & enter. But the population has grown in recent years - apparently, some mothers are even having three cubs - due to their accumulated intelligence on how harvest from the neighboring human abundance. Both my parents sent out e-mails today, you can compare for style:

from "Sue W____" ______@yahoo.com reply-to _____@yahoo.com to [many addresses] date Wed, Oct 21, 2009 at 9:01 AM subject Bear Break-In

A bear broke into our garage last night (see photo). I actually heard him. I went to bed late, around 11:10, because I had some classwork to do, and couldn't get to sleep because of noises. I finally got to sleep about 12:10, when the noises subsided. I probably should have awakened John, but thought maybe it was just a car outside.

He cleaned out our garage refrigerator of apples, muffins, cheese, and bread. He didn't like the beer or wine. He toppled one closed trash can, and we don't know what he got there. We are pretty careful about putting any food stuff in zip lock bags. Dog bones are all over the floor. Perhaps he ate some, but certainly didn't eat them all. They were in a box on top of the fridge. He also ignored a box of oranges.

Love, Sue

from "John W_____" ______@att.net to [many addresses] date Wed, Oct 21, 2009 at 8:32 AM subject new doggy door

All, last night a bear enjoyed a midnight snack of cheese, Costco muffins, and apples in our garage. It didn't like our box wine or Bud beer. John

______________________

Colbert is right - they are the number one threat to America.

Video: Burns Night 250 song: "You're Welcome, Willie Stewart"; &, a Story in Eleven Narrative Photographs

I'll keep uploading video remembrances of our Robert Burns Night suppers, despite the cruel reviews from previous years' YouTubes. The two comments from 2008 were "ugh" & "OMG You guys suck!" This year's offering is "You're Welcome, Willie Stewart".

Photos: Weekend in Lake Tahoe: Day One, The Mt Rose Sledhill & Sand Harbor

Burns Night 250 Review: “Cock Up Your Beaver”, From Peniston, England, to East Breast, Scotland

The Mimosas Witnesses Burns Night 2009 took place at Lake Tahoe, complete with silly hats, vegan haggis, copious amounts of good Scotch, dancing, many songs & cigars. Some unique moments in this year’s festivities, the mandatory reading of Burns’ epic “Tam O’Shanter” was sung to about two dozen different tunes, from “New York, New York” to “O Tannenbaum” to “Modern Major General”. It didn’t help comprehension of the great poem, but it was loud. Even tho I had made several of the speeches & toasts already, I lost the foot-roshambo & had to also do the “Address to the Lassies”, the contents of which I still feel shivers of remorse about (I believe the final declaration was “Why don’t you lose some weight?”) The Reply from the Lassies was done in every-other-word fashion from Miss Williams & Mrs Eley-Nelson, & turned out far more elegant & coherent.

The next day, The New York Times had an article about unfortunately-named places in Britain (& road signs that say things like “BUTT HOLE ROAD”), the meanings of which are on the wrong side of history. They provided this handy map. This is relevant to our favorite Burns Poem, which Mr Tomas recited at Burns Night, captured for posterity on YouTubes.

Itwaslost.org makes the North Lake Tahoe Bonanza

Unbeknownst to anyone involved, until this moment, when I haphazardly googled myself, my live blogging from the Nevada Caucuses was reprinted in the local paper, the North Lake Tahoe Bonanza.


http://www.tahoebonanza.com/article/20080127/OPINION/261791155/0/FRONTPAGE

The culprit for this mystery is revealed as a preface to the article: " James Welsch, who was born and raised in Incline, now lives in Berkeley, Calif., and came back to observe the caucus on Saturday. His mother, Sue Welsch, submitted his observations." Aha! Do I also detect subtle maternal edits, mostly for style? Does anyone have a copy of the print edition? Why this should remain a secret until now, remains a secret. I regret it wan't a zingyer piece of writing. And, I wish they'd link to the original post on their website!


http://www.itwaslost.org/2008/01/live-blogging-from-incline-village.html


Jenny Ruth & I made the front page of this newspaper in June 2006. Next to an article about Mosquitoes, they printed a picture of us hiking with my parents' 125-lbs golden retriever Schnapps:

Live Blogging from the Incline Village, Nevada, Democratic Caucus

Live Blogging from Washoe County Precinct 8108, Incline Village, Nevada. 11 A.M., January 19th, 2008.

10:45. It's a bright sunny day in Incline Village, the town of my childhood. There's several feet of icy snow everywhere. All the Republicans were leaving the high school as we were arriving, so it's a zoo here, with a few sarcastic remarks as the Democrats were filing in at twenty till 11. Precinct 8108 comprises the hills to the West of town, including Lower Tyner & Saddlehorn Drive, where I grew up. There are a ton of people still lined up to get in the High School Multipurpose Room, where I used to rehearse musical theater when I was twelve - making it surreal for me to be in this room. (I was once John in Peter Pan, so my Obama campaign songs are mixing in my head with "I'm flying! Flying! Flying!".) I've signed in as an observer, & amazingly, there are so many observers that we overflow the section set aside for us. I'm typing this up on a tiny green OLPC (One Laptop Per Child), a cute little thing with a tiny keyboard & a limited children's interface. They run for about a $100, & my parents bought two, which donates two others to under-priveleged kids. They are temporarily no longer for sale until they fix some things in the interface.

11:00. The coffee is pretty bad. It lacks any robust undertones & has a weak body. I had expected better of the North Lake Tahoe Democrats.

11:30. Nothing seems to be happening. People are schmoozing & reading the various initiatives & resolutions. I've spent the last half hour wrestling with this weird little computer. My father is better at campaigning for tiny children's laptops than for politics. I have to say, there are a lot of Obama pins.

11:40. Precinct 8110 (Crystal Bay) is in this room too, to make it more confusing, & they only get one delegate. They're just going to raise their hands to vote.

11:45. Donna reads a nice statement from Harry Reid, our Democratic Senator, which says he'll be caucusing in Searchlight, Nevada, today, where he is from. He stresses the importance of getting a Democrat in the White House, & mentions Yucca Mountain, an issue where Hillary has an upper hand over Obama (who has taken money from Nuclear Power.) Last chance to go to the bathroom before they close the doors.

12:10. Crystal Bay has voted. 9 for Clinton, 2 for Edwards, & 18 for Obama, so their delegate will be for Obama. Loud cheers. They get to go home first because someone was paying a babysitter - small town politics.

12:30. I should have worn my Jefferson wig, this really feels like old school democracy. She's counting how many caucus attendees there are by counting raised hands. They were expecting 44 people, & she counted 104. Incline Village is a transient, snow-bird community, so this is exciting. 12:33, people are moving into their different corners of the room. If you don't know, a candidate must have 15% of the room to be "viable" in the second round.

12:45. This cute little laptop is attracting a lot more attention than I expected or wanted. It's like bringing a puppy to the caucuses, I feel like a salesman.

First Round. Hillary - 33; Barack - 59. Neither Edwards nor Kucinich are viable! A couple of people are making twenty second speeches to convince the non-viable corners. Looks like they're splitting up pretty evenly.

1:00. Second Round. Barack Obama - 65; Hillary Clinton - 38; Uncommitted - 1. My mother (an emeritus maths professor) went up to make sure they did the math right - three delegates to Obama, two to Hillary. Now they're calling in the results on speaker phone. "You have to figure out amongst yourselves who gets to be your delegates."

1:10. My mother is complaining that the Obama people are sending "only white men" as delegates. But, there's really only white people here (not much diversity up in the lake-view Tahoe houses). People are trying to leave, but Donna is yelling "you're not released!"

1:15. A few resolutions are handed in. "If there is no further business, this caucus is now adjourned." Let's go get lunch.

I just went "Pro" on Nintendo Wii Baseball

I came to my parents' house at Lake Tahoe for the Thanksgiving week, with a long to-do list (including a grad-school application, a checkbook, & a few cluttered thoughts). So far my only accomplishment is to go "Pro" on the Nintendo Wii Baseball, meaning my "skill level" topped the 1000 point theshold, which took many visits home in the last year. Congratulations! Out of the Park! For a man who grew up without video games, missed them as a recreation in college, possesses only a haphazard understanding of baseball rules & stradegy, this is a weird monumental achievement. My right arm muscles are aching sore from the Wii controller. My character, JamesHenry, looks a lot like me, except without legs. My complaints about the game are: A) No double plays, B) My lame outfield consists of my father & brother's avatars, who, like Manny Ramiriz, is occasionally clutch & occasionally drops the ball, C) It's hard to tell when the computer is pitching a fastball or a splitter, but I guess that's the point. Now, as thanks for achieving Pro status, I'm getting squished by the computer's pro opponants.

Photos: Fallen Leaf Lake & Desolation Wilderness, Fall 2004

These are photos from my first season working at the Stanford Sierra Conference Center, on Fallen Leaf Lake, which is just South of Lake Tahoe in California. Click on the image to see it larger.

“Dear old man,” she said, softening down, & a little shifting the subject, “when you think of that old kinsmen of yours, you know there must be a secret closet in this chimney.”

“Secret ash-hole, wife, why don’t you have it? Yes, I dare say there is a secret ash-hole in the chimney; for where do all the ashes go to that we drop down the queer hole yonder?”

“I know where they go to; I’ve been there almost as many times as the cat.”

“What devil, wife, prompted you to crawl into the ash-hole! Don’t you know that St Dunston’s devil emerged from the ash-hole? You will get your death one these days, exploring all about as you do. But supposing there be a secret closet, what then?”

“What, then? why what should be in a secret closet but – ”

“Dry bones, wife,” broke in I with a puff, while the sociable old chimney broke in with another.

-Herman Melville, “I and my Chimney” (1856)

Infinite sad mischief has resulted from the profane bursting open of secret recesses.

-Herman Melville, “I and my Chimney” (1856)

A man walks into a bar, & half of his head is an orange.

The bartender says: “If you don’t mind me asking, why is half of your head an orange?”

The man replies: “Well, it’s a funny story. I was in a mysterious cave in Turkmenistan, & I found a lamp, & when I rubbed it a magic genie came out & gave me three wishes. For my first wish, I asked that my wallet would always be full of money, so no matter where I was, & opened it, there’d be more bills in it.”

The bartender said: “Gee, that’s a pretty smart wish.”

The man says, “Yeah. For my second wish, I asked that no matter where I passed out, no matter how drunk or wasted I was, when I woke up, I would be in my own bed with no hangover.”

The bartender said: “Wow, that’s a really great wish. What was your third wish?”

The man says, “For my third wish, I asked that half of my head would be an orange.”

-Joke told to me by Miss Jennie Jo Lee.

Two Songs Lyrics

Living in Lake Tahoe again for the past month, I have written two short songs. The lyrics are printed below.

Baby, Get It Down

Baby, get it down.
Baby, get it down with me tonight,
’Till the morning light!

Baby, get it down.
Baby, get it down with me today,
There’s no rent to pay!

Baby, get it down.
Baby, get it down with me this afternoon,
Fly me to the moon!

Pump up the volume on the Cadillac radio,
Drive to Lover’s Lane,
Soar like an eagle off the cliffs of commitment,
Then we’ll get it again & again & again & again!

Take a journey to God,
Take a journey to the city of the holy light,
Afternoon Delight!


Come Be My Love (The Passionate Californian)

Come be my Eden in the mountain,
Be my Jeffrey Pine of Life,
Come be my space between the oceans,
Be the moonglow’s boundless fountain,
Be my questions, be my naked desert wife,

Come be my nightlight & my new moon,
Be the fall of every leaf,
Come be the envy of the cougar,
Be the shapeless, sacred swoon,
Come anoint me, be the proof of my belief,

Come be the rocks of Lake Aloha,
Be the valley’s exultation,
Come be the cub to every mother,
Be the passage to Nevada,
Be my echo, be my silent annunciation.