comfort of the elect, etc.

From the basement to the landing pad
in a first mate's minute
you must know a quick reactor from a slow lad
there's more than nitpicking in it

Is it worth a peach, one more cup of tea
to let the clouds blow by
say not me, stir the silt
think of the lilac tree
add sugar, add milk

oh, the darkness will arrive
and sunset shows not the effect
so leap and start while you're still alive
to the comfort of the elect.


The human is assumed to be simple, to want and to pursue simple, predictable things. I posit that what the human wants is various, ambiguous, eccentric, and often contradictory. What the human wants, and what it knows, cannot be assumed from outward traits such as biological sex, the color of it's skin, it's physical handicaps. the only way to learn what a human wants is not to ask it and listen to it's answer, but to observe it as it navigates situations, confrontations, obstacles, and meetings with the other, with phenomena, with itself, with nothing.

The stories in a life are made as an individual acts, often discreetly- within that narrow margin some of us may be fortunate enough to be afforded- that quiet, often undetected margin between Necessity and Chance-


In the park, one man sits down next to another, unshaven, in a crusty blazer, filthy cargo pants and boots, stinking like liquor, sweat and piss, dozing. One minute later he's awake and stumbling out the gate
"fuck you
get away from me
you're not a real man"

and gives a sideways glare of disdain to a yuppie, driving, talking on her cellphone, who almost runs him over as he stumbles out into the street.


Translating the old codes of arche-types into new canons of experience

"but the essay is far from the plains of Troy!"

here the mind is reduced to intellect which takes the empirical-sensuous only as pretext. the priority and self-sufficiency of an intellectual point of view has to be daringly asserted. the intellectual's fate, precariously balanced on the intensity of personal vision, is seen as coming to pass in the encounter with the forms themselves, latter day platonists, mystics of the mind, aloof from fumbling humanity.

"he had shown so convincingly in his essay on Kierkegaard that the mind's desperate gesture alone cannot solve the existential dilemma"- Musil, from The man without qualities

Special Preview: Sarah Palin Video Game

I hope I'm not one of thousands who have already put forward this idea, but here it is: A thinking tank for our Sarah Palin Video Game, presented here on this blog as a preview & advertisement for our LIVE-BLOGGING of the Vice-Presidential Debates (check back to this website, oftenish, Thursday evening, follow along with our Marxie/Wildean one-liners, from your own home entertainment center.)
Our industrious Mongolian Video Game Technicians are currently fixing some glitches in the software for this game, but here are some ideas for some of the levels.

MOOSE-HUNTING level. One of the most straight-forward of the system, but some of the targets popping out of the Alaskan Wilderness into the cross-hairs of our political rifle could be: various endangered species, polar bears, librarians, state troopers, & old-man's faces (in preparation for the daily tasks of the Vice President.)

AERIAL WOLF-HUNTING level. Some of the coolest graphics, shooting dogs from a plane. It's basically like fox-hunting for Alaskans, but less dainty or bound by any civilized standards of morality. The Sarah Palin avatar in this section would be leaning out of the plane with an American-flag bikini & an enormous "shootin' dogs from a plane" gun. Instead of being indiscriminately wounded & left to bleed to death in the snow (BORING!), the wolves explode in fourth-of-july fireworks.

BEAUTY PAGEANT level. You get to dress up your avatar, et cetera, basically not much to this level, but good for marketing.

Now, as we progress thru the levels, we get some of the more mundane aspects of a rising political career at the end of the road, U.S.A.

GOVERNING WASILLA level. Donning a pants-suit, Palin roams the streets of her Alaskan suburb, sort of like a community organizer / street fighter but with actual responsibilities. She collects "responsibility" items - like a baseball bat to smash in the heads of tweakers; encounters high-school friends to issue "promotions"; rides atop a Dinosaur, et cetera. We're still brain-storming this level, as right now it's about as entertaining as permafrost. Open to suggestions.

GET IMPREGNATED BY TODD PALIN level. Navigate the Governor's pelvis thru an abstract atmospheric landscape, attempting to collect "spirit" from Todd Palin's fecund family jewels. But watch out! Liberals with coat-hangers & other spirit-quenchers are around every unfolding cloud. Extra bonus points for successfully birthing an infant with Down syndrome. You get to name the offspring - (Suggestions from The Onion for additional Palin children names: Frag, Moss, Scoot, Skiffer, Minnow, Plow, Snatch, Twiglet, and Drum.) It's a tricky level, because sometimes the children themselves get impregnated, which is fine, as long as you can spin it as all-American.

CAMPAIGNING FOR McCAIN-PALIN level. Another "roaming-the-streets"-style level, she has to show off her foreign-policy experience (basically by threatening world leaders with her guns & spotting Russia from her house), avoiding reporters & scorning the media. At the end of the level, she battles larger-than-life Joe Biden at the VP DEBATES.

As we don't know how long or to what extent Gov. Palin will be on the national stage, it's hard to know what levels await. If she is ever Vice President, there could be some amazing Dan Quayle-style parts, roaming the world as a token VP.

VP DEBATE Live-Blog,
Thursday, 6pm Western Time, 4am Bulgarian Time.
Be here!

Columbia Canoeing Song

Columbia Canoeing Song

Jamie's in the same boat.
From Alexandria down a meaningful river,
Write down these words & kill them with a quiver.
Go down towards places less remote:
And ask nicely & I'll allow you to quote me on my thistly artichoke-flower parade float.

Buttocks & buttocks & metal in the brains,
Order the ESB & pine for young Liverpool.
From the hour the dwarfs burnt up the Elementary School
To the ice neath Nebraska's forgotten plains,
Step on these Steppes & defrost these pagans.

Row, Jamie, your freedom's downstream!
Drown Broadway with your acidic urine!
Learn how to complete your father's sentences, not your mother's cryin',
Jamie, not your mother's dark cryin' - emancipate the supporting beam,
And run out into the field, you will be clean & weaned of factory steam.

There was a time, remember,
When girls wore black bangs & tucked their pants in,
And you would always lose my wallet when we went out dancin'!
Turnips on the breath & for everyone a nasty answer.
And for the permanent camper, a savory dessert & a flasher.

The constellations control the lottery.
One corporation owns all the coolest bars in town.
The mayor was assassinated in unfolding clouds thru the window of his Brownstone.
I hate the shorter members of the fire department.
Bury me in dead mayflies, or, when in season, your hosiery!

Our Jamie's run out of creek:
The meatless alternative is more often tastier,
You're visiting long after your friend has left for Bulgaria.
Resurrect these words & write them as I speak,
Finally, & let's recall this shithole's mayor & replace him with some unelected freak.

An Interduction

Hello. I am proud to formally introduce myself to the Greater Inner Outer Web Community of
O it was lost for ever! and we found it not. Please call me by name: Mary Olaf Mary.
I am currently organizing some beneficial additions to this community.
Among them:

1. A Hip-Hop Album by Freddie Mae and Fanny Mac.
2. DisIlluminations of Nonsense NonPoetry.
3.Other Drawings by the famous and high-paid artist, me.
4. Lost Drawings and Music by the found and lost of the bygone era: unprecedented, and a word
I can't remember right now.
5. Hope.

I need your help in directing me towards the proper methods of placing music into the hands of this community. Like, how do I do that shit?
Otherwise and until then, await yourselves.

truly, Mary Olaf Mary

List: Songs We Sang

I am in Portland, at their lovely huge old library with tall pink walls. Last night, I met my friend Mrs Smith & hiked for most of the afternoon in the country where those tall waterfalls go into the Columbia River. It's nice round there. It threatened rain, but we decided to put up our tent & be optimistic. No veggie dogs were roasted on no campfire. We hid in our tent with a box of wine for the entire night while impossible amounts of water fell from the sky. At one point, we made a dash to get the capo & the ukulele. If the omnipotent gods of music are curious & read blogs, here are some of the songs we sang:

-Longer boats are coming to win us (Cat Stevens)
-Where do the children play? (Cat Stevens)
-Indiana (David Yazbek)
-TOXICODENDRON
-EL CERRITO (coming soon to http://www.itwaslost.org/!!)
-some of our old Shakespeare numbers
-A la clare fontaine
-Dancing with the Mountains (John Denver)
-Others I forget about

Tonight, there will be some Portland Sacred Harp, followed by fire twirling at Reed College. Outward! Stop, drop & roll!

Sam Amidon's blog Speak, Peppery points us to these existential Garfield Without Garfield comics:

Boston Folk Bangaz

Grainne submits: 19 and 74, a new album of Boston Folk bangaz, including "drunk and bitter" and "you can't blame it all on a racist cop" by my good friend and the other half of Hotel Universe, Nicholas Brady Szydlowski. Seriously though, it's musical crack. listen to or download the whole album (and more Nick and HU) FREE at hoteluniverse.org.

(my must-listens: eleanor, drunk and bitter, and tired young ladies.)

TOXICODENDRON - Lyrics & Demo Recording

I emphasize that this is only a demo recording, to test these harmonies as well as my ability to figure them out, & to demonstrate to my father that my microphone sucks & that when I sing in to it, it's real boomy & doesn't mix down well (at least with my limited understanding of computer sound production.)



The text is based on the only incidence of the word "itch" in the King James Bible (Deuteronomy 28:27), & my personal experience with the Toxicodendron diversilobum in the Summer of 2005. (I sing some incorrect or otherwise incoherent words on the demo recording, but the correct version is below).

UPDATE: The shape-note score is posted below. Click on the link to take you to the Picasa web album, where you can zoom in & print it out & such.

TOXICODENDRON

I have a rash all over my body
My skin is red, all splotchy and spotty.
Save me, Lord, from this itch! this itch of death!

My Lord has got me with the botch of Egypt!
And with the emerods,
And with the scab,
And with the ITCH, whereof I cannot be healed.

My dragon blood, all pain & forgetting.
My lizard skin, all layers are shedding.
Let me die in this ditch! my mortal breath!

My Lord has got me with the botch of Egypt!
And with the emerods,
And with the scab,
And with the ITCH, whereof I cannot be healed.

What is this world, all peopled with curse words?
My soul shall fly away from these buzzards!
I must scratch at this itch! this itch of death!

My Lord has got me with the botch of Egypt!
And with the emerods,
And with the scab,
And with the ITCH, whereof I cannot be healed.

Dirty Words: Arnophilia

I've been making sure to drop the word "arnophilia" into casual conversation as often as possible. Looking it up, now, it might be that the only use of this word in literature was from the place I got it, this big book we're reading:

[...]brothels dedicated to a wide range of preferences, including arnophilia, or an unaccustomed interest in sheep, some of the ovine nymphs in these establishments being quite appealing indeed, even to folks who might not wholeheartedly share the taste, with fleeces dyed in a variety of fashionable colors, including the perennial favorites aquamarine and mauve, or wearing items of feminine—not to mention masculine—attire[...]

-Thomas Pynchon, Against The Day, pg. 211.

Wiktionary quotes this under "arno-", & sites only this quote for only this word. I challenge the blogosphere to find early uses of this word (or any variant) elsewhere in literature. (Is it in the OED?) The Against the Day Wiki claims the word was invented by Pynchon, (& they can't resist slipping in one pretty good old joke.)

From a chat with Mr Quill, Thu, Sep 11, 2008:

11:29 AM me: [...]She's a fine figure.

She gave me a little of the sheep's-milk cheese last night, if you know what I mean.

11:33 AM J____ Quill: what do you mean?

me: what do you mean?

J____ Quill: are you implying something sexual via sheep's milk?

cuz that's weird

11:34 AM me: When were you so prudish?

J____ Quill: it's not prudish

it's sheep's milk

me: Isn't there arnophilia in Bulgarious?

J____ Quill: loads

Call for submission for arnophiliac jokes.
There's one website of sheep jokes here.

VISIT ITWASLOST.ORG's special DEPARTMENT OF ARNOPHILIA

The Witnessed

A few weeks ago, there was a monster service for the Mimosas Witnesses, our fervid cult.
Here are a few of the witnessers:

oy

I'm sorry everyone, I know it's very repetitive, but I have to do it. I just have to get it out of my system.
Will people really buy this BS that Palin has national security credentials because, as she explains in her interview today, she can sometimes see Russia from Alaska? really? like, roughly what percentage of the voting populace thinks that's legit? I really want to know so I can move forward on this "whether to light myself on fire or not" thing.
(based on the comment boards on huffpost, cnn and abc there is a staunch percentage of whackos who don't care if the VP and potential prez has no grasp of foreign policy whatsoever (there is absolutely no mention of, or link to her interview on FOX. what? not awesome enough for you guys? just pretend it didn't happen?). They also want to make Charlie Gibson the first old white man to be lynched because he didn't ask Palin to e-mail him her Caribou stew recipe and pics of her adorable kids-at least not while the cameras were rolling-).

I would like to contrast a particular aspect of Palin's interview with a parallel scenario that occurred when Obama was interviewed by O'Reilly last week (an interview I really enjoyed, by the way. Every once in a while O'Reilly does a pretty good job for a complete d-bag. but, full disclosure, I have an irrational tribal fondness for the Irish, yes, including Bill O'Reilly. It's like he's my d-bag uncle or something).
O'Reilly asked Obama if, as president he would prepare for military action against Iran, even while pursuing high-level diplomacy. Obama replied that while as commander-in-chief he would never take military options off the table, he would make them his last resort, and further, that IT IS NOT APPROPRIATE FOR A CANDIDATE FOR THE PRESIDENCY (or I would add, vice-presidency), to casually tip his or her hand in regards to future actions towards a major adversary on the world stage. Which, I would note, is not shucking and jiving, and Obama didn't mean it to be. It is simply the truth.

contrast this with Palin, when asked if she believes we should pursue military action against Russia were they to renew aggression towards Georgia (also like to mention here, that South Ossetia, which is what Russia actually occupied, is an autonomous region that both Russia and Georgia would like to control because it's incredibly rich in natural gas. this is not a "Newsies" scenario or something. Tyranny is never quite what you hear about it, unless you're watching Newsies in which case, yeah, it's totally what it looks like). Palin was visibly scared, but when pressed she basically said "Yes, I think we should invade Russia (in this scenario)" (with what troops, ps? is she going to keep making thousands of babies and enlist them all in the army like "Truck" (as the BBC hilariously misspelled her son's name) as soon as they can walk?). I'll briefly mention here also that she also basically said "yes, we should seriously consider ignoring the territorial and political sovreignity of Pakistan"- the nuclear state which is most unstable and hostile towards us, by crossing their borders without their permission to intitiate whatever military actions we want, without their permission or cooperation". Oh no, that wouldn't, y'know, PISS PAKISTAN (and the Tribal warlords, and Al Quaeda, and the Taliban) OFF or anything like that. And yes, they would find out. Hey Sarah, how'd you like it if Putin sent a few Russian combat brigades into Alaska to start shooting all the Eskimos including your husband because he decided they looked like Georgians? he's got to protect the motherland at all costs, and by the way, he's an expert on Alaska by virtue of geographical proximity, and he knows exactly what your fucking Alaskan Eskimo mongol-looking pseudo georgian snowmobile buffalo soldiers are up to.

yes, there is a concept called "territorial sovreignity". It's one of those kind of important international law things. Ignoring it starts the kinds of big, bloody wars we really don't need (and can't supply troops or money to fight) any more of right now. Sarah, please look it up before the debate, for your own sake. Or ask McCain- Even he understands it.

To wrap this up. A question, if I may, to Ms. Palin, who I know reads this blog religiously because she is a fan of nonsense-doggerel-poetry and shape-note singing:
Do you really think Putin and Zardari are not going to have some level of awareness of everything you said in your ABC interview by the end of the weekend?
Has the thought crossed your mind that global political leaders everywhere are, or will be laughing their asses off at you? you look like a chicken nugget to them.

Obama, son of Biden. baby, son of Molly, etcetera.

The New big trend on cafepress is stuff that says "Obama Bin Biden" (which translates from arabic as Obama son of Biden) (a vote for them is a vote for al quaeda, blahdeblah...).

Newsflash! scandal! JOE BIDEN HAS A BLACK CHILD...
and that black child IS BARACK OBAMA! who is a MUSLIM! which means Joe Biden impregnated a BLACK MUSLIM 47 years ago when he was a 19-year old ne'er-do-well communist.

In other news, we don't have enough pictures of cute babies on this blog, but one of our friends from college just spawned, so here's the pic of Molly Weingrod's new baby son whose name i will not know until the Bris on friday. awwwwwww....

First Propaganda Image for the Mimosas Witnesses

Apologies: First Weekend in September & Baseball Metaphors

And speaking of processed beverages & community gatherings in the American South (to which many local California singers travel for the many August & September singings), the Santa Cruz Organic (produced in Chico, California) makes the best sweet tea I've ever tasted, & it's saving me from surely wilting on this hot day in Berkeley. I had heard that it was against the law to sell tea in a restaurant in certain counties in the south without also selling Sweet Tea, but looking at Sweet Tea's wikipedia entry, apparently that was just an April Fool's joke. Well, who's laughing now, Georgia House of Representatives? God, I can't handle some of these hot days, tho - I become very inertial.

Which brings us to what's missing. I apologize that politics & live-blogging have immoderately usurped itwaslost.org, but we're taking steps to remedy this. We plan on live-blogging one or two of the debates, & of course not completely ignoring the next two months of this "close" election--; but noticeably missing are the gaps in the narrative from Bulgaria, Morroco & Indonesia, the latest new tunes from my microphone, the completion of several unfinishable epic nonsense poems, every & any words from our traveling ice-climbing correspondent, & reports on this website's progress & ongoing projects. This post should do something about that last category, & I'll report about this post's report in coming days. In the meantime, a few quotes from the convention:

"George W. Bush came into office on third base, & then he stoled second."

-Gov. Ted Strickland (D-Ohio), 26 August 2008,
Democratic National Convention

“I’m sure you remember a girl from Kansas who said there’s no place like home. Well, in John McCain’s version, there’s no place like home & a home & home & home."

-Gov. Kathleen Sebelius (D-Kansas) 26 August 2008,
Democratic National Convention

And please note the following links:
-Brains' blog about World Soccer & German Literature.
-Pele's travel narration.
-The link to today's Doonesbury strip, in case any of you haven't been following America's national epic.
-Mortified: These are excellent staged readings of people's teenage writings, including teenage poetry, diary entries, plays, movies, & the one I went to in San Francisco was intensely funny.
-Elisa Lopez's arctic travels & beyond.
-Post Secret: anonymous post cards of people's secrets.
-Looks like Sam Amidon will be featured on a compilation cd of hip covers of Sacred Harp songs, you can hear it at this myspace.
-Unfortunately, the excerpt from John Adam's upcoming memoir in the Aug. 25th New Yorker isn't online, but this interview with him is here. I like his genial & nostalgic mockery of the Cage-esque pieces he wrote in his 20's.
-Miss Daisy Press sent me a link to someone who proposed that Michael Palin was as qualified as Sarah Palin to be a "heart-beat" away from the comfy chair & soft cushions: http://opinion.latimes.com/opinionla/2008/09/that-other-pali.html

Good Night, Ringo.

Alas Alive Ablogging the riverrun past even adam's apfelgarage. Post Number Orange

As we hold our breasts in anticipation of Senator John McCain's big call-to-arms, a few thoughts on leadership from Sun Tsu. How can we rally up patriotism without bad-guys against us? Never trust a man who surrounds himself with dancing white people. What is this mysterious smell coming from the South-East corner of my room? "Weird-Al" Yankovic is in the house!! Three strikes, &, it's the SAME synth-string composer for the John McCain biopic, the "mama's boy" should descend from the solid ground soon enough. We are here live.

9:08pm Central Time The war hero is captured, tortured, & held hostage for five years.

9:10pm Crap! I just realized this whole event is just propaganda!

McCain! "poop your pants! poop your pants! poop your pants!"

ugly green background is back!

9:18pm Wow, earlier, I was totally going to make a joke about "when are they going to drop the puke-green backdrop" like his last big speech.

no, but really, what great luck. I'm sure they didn't want this speech to take place against an ugly green background. he's been mocked relentlessly for it before and now his big moment is happening in front of it. hahaha

There are Iraq veterans against the war all over the lace in there. The RNC is a fucking leaky bucket. their security sucks because their nominee isn't black, now it's biting them in the ass.

They tried to fix the background, but it looks like alge slime. worse than before.

The Green-Screen is going psychedelic forest on us. I knew we should have been hitting something harder than Gobiden.

Now it's blue! what a fucking mess!

CODE PINK IN THE HOUSE! IN A HOT SATIN NEGLIGEE!

what do you guys think of the bright blue background they settled on after going through the two embarrassing greens?

9:27pm It is pretty amazing all these politicians with millions of kids themselves, & pregnant teenage kids, are so gung-ho for abstinence only education.

9:30pm I'm having trouble conceiving of how boring this man is - - - - - but yet how wildly enthusiastic the crowd is cheering at how boring he is. Strange dissonance, like P.D.Q. Bach's sportscasting of the Beethoven symphony.

OMG so many empty seats when they went to the wide shot. holy crap. there's nobody there.

I think they must have been bought by season-ticket holders who couldn't make it - total rich white thing to do.

9:39pm Shaun suggested that with the green-screen, then the blue-screen, he's just begging for some computer-generated effects to spice up his space-flight.

9:41pm How come everyone's always down on the bureaucrats? Isn't that a sizeable minority of the American workforce?

Is this the economic policy meat of this speech? we'll give you a temporary shitty job while we find you or make for you a not-as-shitty job?

9:45pm McCain gets a standing ovation for dissing bad teachers.

oh yeah I choose a private schoool for my kids all the time. I just can't pay for it.

Is it just me, or is this speech really really long?

9:48pm Finally, some fear-mongering. I could barely find my bearings.
He's comparing Russia with Iran??
...no, he wants to 'establish good relations with Russia.' I afraid of them too.

The man who doesn't know how to use the internet just said "the information technology revolution".

did he already forget that this crowd loves Palin because she is a bitter hateful partisan? they don't want him to "reach out to democrats and independants".

9:55pm There's no mistaking, the crowd is getting less jubilant & uproarious. Even Wagner operas break for an intermission every fifty-five minutes or so.

THIS AGAIN????....wait, getting shot down is a laugh line now?

9:57pm I always wanted to hear John McCain's POW story, now is my chance.

there's a bunch of token black people. drink james! drink!

Only if they show the same one repeatedly. Like those actual Africans next to Roberta McCain. Sadly, there was a queue of African-Americans waiting around the corner to fill in all those empty stadium seats, but they were bulk-sold to hawkers, who accidentally went to New Orleans instead.

"history has anointed me to save my country" ???? did he already win and I didn't get the memo? maybe he's the antichrist.

No, he was making fun of BHO's presumptuousity. That speech was more than twice as long as Obama's.

10:06pm I love this Raisin' McCain song!

10:09pm World record for number of balloons dropped, added several carbon tons to the atmosphere. I think I saw a token black balloon, so, drink up.
Phony digital fire-works on the screen!

10:14pm I hope there's at least one balloon casualty. Seriously, tho, the pundits & talking-pointers make fun of Obama's "Styrofoam" columns & exultant fireworks, & then the RNC has a ten-minute-long balloon fest with computer-generated fireworks in a half-empty indoor stadium? It's because they're more in touch with the common man.

10:19pm McCain & Cindy Lou are returning to the stage!! I hope he's going to finish up that more-or-less unfinished speech.

It seems like this dancing, celebrating, & bad music could go on till the line for the Minnesota Airport bathroom is a mile-long, so, adieu, thank you nation for hanging out during our live-blog.

Live Blogging #C. Tom Waits, Tom Waits, Tom Waits, Tom Waits, Tom Waits.

Sally Hemings, I haven't been this bored at a Republican Convention since 1976. Where are the greco-roman columns? Where's the Beatlemania? Where's all the fearmongering? Aren't they still all out there in caves waiting to destroy our way of life? Apparently their opponent, Barack Obama, has a thin resume & knows how to give a good speech. This revolutionary website - which has been known (the audacity) to post things as diverse as movie reviews & witty poetry - will be staying up till past 10pm Eastern Time to "live-blog" - basically like sports commentary but without the cocaine - what the right-wing politicians have to say about things. Gob Biden Whiskey, several games, like take a hefty shot every time they show that same black dude in the audience.

8:28pm Central Time The soundtrack to the Cindy McCain biopic has the same synth strings & piano as the Palin one! Who is this composer & why does he get all the Republican background GIGS. This one also has a synthesized hallelujah church-choir.

Slow down, Cindy Lou, you're slurring your speech again.

Grainne here. Cindy SUCKS ASS.

8:47pm She scares the zombie poop out of me.

Anybody else notice the gun-fetish going on here? I bet Cindy diddles herself with firearms when she's bored and doesn't feel like getting up to go for a ride in her private plane. That's dangerous, man. be careful.

Palin goes aerial wolf hunting, like shooting wolves from planes. How is that sexy again? Can she get bin Laden using those skills?

maybe Palin's plan is to aerial Putin hunt, since she's got the scoop on Russia and everything. Cindy the homewrecker is carrying the banner of GOP tokenism with the rwandan lady and her adopted daughter. take that Condi! we don't even need you!"

8:59pm Johnnie B. Goode: he never ever learned to read or write so well, but he's spent thousands of hours mastering Guitar Hero. Patience that would daunt any ex-POW.
Wow, it seems the Republicans have been asked to make their own signs? Where are the standardized fonts?

JAMES WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS MUSIC? WHY?

Am I watching the hard-of-hearing version of this video or something? is that why they keep saying "country first"? to make sure it gets through? anybody else notice no mention that his first wife who was the mother of a couple of the adult sons who are there is not in his bio at all?

ABOVE alone, next, another post, upward, onward, alas, More: McCain answers & more.

Live-Blogging th'ethereal sky

Having been untimely ripped from a deep nap by this sonorous bottle of Gobiden Bourbon Whisky in my cabinet, I'm ready to watch some America-loving Americans brag about what a good job they do running the country that they love. Friends from this & neighboring galaxies are invited to watch along & comment, I think several of our far-flung correspondents will be turning around & getting a little bit closer as John McCain, that wacky maverick, puts aside his stage-freight & takes the podium.

Here's the CNN live-video feed:

http://www.cnn.com/video/#

Clean-shaven white men will invariably be interspersed with crazy bearded hermaphrodites (diversity) & hot blonde women (the party's base.) It's ten degrees hotter in San Francisco than it is in Berkeley (the reversal of the norm, San Francisco's cruel wintry Augusts.)

George H. W. Quiselgúr signing in as "Red Indian" Red.

7:30pm Central Time - Republican Fashion: cowboy hats are in for the fall season.

7:34pm - The GOP are super good about electing a ton of middle-aged white women to office. Good for them!

7:41pm - Holy Shit! New York City is under attack! There's smoke everywhere & people running around!

7:45pm - How on earth did they find a right-wing-leaning athlete? He's rambling about some Czechoslovakian gold-medalist who supports McCain.
Whoa, he actually just said, "whether you're a decathlete or a politician, we must stand together & support America"... Did they just exclude me?

7:55pm Dancing around to good old Rock and Roll music, there's no denying it, a lot of women are Republicans.

Harry Grayson - Mustard Yellow, ready and available for comment.

Senator Lindsey Graham on stage. The democrats need some better talking points about why it's sort of pitiful if the surge works. Like, it's like if an aspirin helps relieve a hangover head-ache, you can't undo the tequila reality.

Where's our other correspondents. Mongolia, you there?

8:09pm That's because Obama was against the war, doofus-butt. And the war is unwinnable, we've certainly already been "defeat"-ed, whatever that word means, I'm not familiar with the definition of that word. Here comes the Wasilla mayor's biopic.

8:15pm Apparently the GOP's budget can't afford a non-synthesized string section.
Christ, Sen. Ridge is McCain's friend too, how many friends does this guy have? Isn't he spreading himself a bit thin?

NEW POST! Move Up!

Dear Community Organizers, I Still Love You

Need some therapy after last night's character assassination? Watch this clip from The Daily Show. Yesterday Jon Stewart compared what Palin and key Republicans are saying now versus what they said only a few months ago. I'm sorry in advance for whatever sexist Hungry Man or repugnant McDonald's ad you have to sit through (that's just the way Hulu works), this clip is worth it:

live-blogging Lieberman at the RNC

Joe, are you still a Jew? Jeremy and I feel bad the our fellow tribesman is calling a convention of rednecks many of whom are probably anti-semites "my very dear friends" (Okay, I admit I'm basing this on anecdotal evidence and the Borat skit when he sings "throw the Jews down the well" in a Texas bar, and everyone starts singing boisterously along).
Lieberman is quoting George Washington on the dangers of partisan politics...of course the only substance in the entire convention comes from a Jewish Independant.

There's way more fat people at the RNC than at the DNC. (I'm not PC, so sue me)

And lots of empty rafters in what looks like a highschool gym.

every once in a while they show us a hot young blonde in the crowd to break up the visual monotony. at the RNC hot young blonde chicks = diversity?

Quick shot of Ron Paul. Not clapping. Earlier they let him give a Ron Paul crazytalk speech about how he hopes somebody invades us so we unify in a back room, which was aired on CSpan 3.

Lieberman mentions McCain's supposed initiative on global warming. Sarah Palin doesn't believe that Global warming is a problem, and she doesn't believe that human activities influence the rising temperature of the Earth.

Lieberman talks about Bill Clinton's accomplishments, essentially forcing the RNC to clap for their nemesis. Good move, Joe, good move.

Lieberman is endorsing Palin. Does he really believe what he is saying? he's calling the ticket "2 mavericks that can't be held in by any pen". I'm sure he realizes that McCain wanted to pick him, because he's actually an accomplished legislator, and that McCain's choice of Palin was pure reckless stupid politics with a capital P, that may yet blow up in his face.

Now he's complimenting Lindsay Graham. yikes.

Is this unique- this thing of members of opposing political parties speaking at each other's conventions?- does this happen in other countries? I'm wondering if i should be proud of the fact that Joe Lieberman is speaking to the RNC without being boo'd. The Convention is being basically enthusiastic and polite.

Lieberman: "McCain=restless reformer"...that's funny because he spends every weekend napping instead of campaigning. doesn't sound very "restless" to me.

enough for now. If anything ridiculous happens, I'll blog it here.

Live blogging the RNC, by myself :(

Fred Thompson just called us "the most generous country in the world". I'm pretty sure Switzerland, and Canada, and, um...pretty much every other industrialized nation has us beat on that one. at least if you're talking about the government's generosity to it's own people, or the generosity of the haves to the have nots within the country.

Every single speaker except for the Latino Democrat (Tommy Espinoza), and our sitting president and first lady got an intro video about their military service, complete with night-vision b-roll of Falluja.
How this helps us decide to support John McCain for president is completely beyond me.

Thompson is now BRAGGING about what a bad student McCain was at the Naval Academy, and about the fact that he once dated a stripper. WHAT???

We are now listening to an endless description of John McCain's injuries when he was a POW. I quote "lying in a pool of his own waste", "boarded up cell windows" "oppressive heat"...What in the name of G-d does this have to do with what he wants to do as president? I mean, I'm not going to vote for him because I feel sorry for him. It's still going:
"John was beaten....John was beaten...John was beaten..." This has literally gone on for 20 minutes. It's still Thompson.

Did I mention that there is nobody other than Tommy Espinoza (guest Dem.) who is not white at the RNC? The GOP is slacking on it's tokenism. they're usually pretty good about that. Condi and Colin P. are conspicuously absent. Shouldn't they have some scab Token Black People to step in when Condi and Colin have a headache?

I find it very interesting that they talk so much about the GOP "fighting pork-barrel spending", which so irrelevant and so far below the intelligence bar of what the GOP actually has been doing, which is using the tax dollars of the American people to fuel what may be the most shameless glut of war profiteering in History.

yup, I said War Profiteering. I'd like to hear what Fred Thompson would have to say to that. does he even know what it means? does he really think "pork-barrel spending" is the way in which our tax dollars are being recklessly misused by the government.

Thompson (yes, still him) is now advocating zero-taxes reagonomics. Ironically the RNC is in Minnesota where the bridge famously collapsed last year, leading to an investigation of our crumbling real infrastructure (roads, bridges), that we have done nothing to repairpartially for lack of tax revenue to do so, and partially because the tax revenue we do have is being siphoned off into no-bid contracts in Iraq (see war profiteering, above), and we still have an enormous deficit and China owns our debt, which we will have to pay back with interest----but let's not pay any taxes. yup. No tax revenue to address the aforementioned problems is obviously, totally okay. I feel great about it, actually.

oy. Thompson finally finished.
next post I'll live-blog Joe Lieberman's address to the Convention.