I Declare War on Metaphors

The organization by which I am currently employed shall remain nameless for the next couple years. Seeing as I'm already hanging on by a thread, it's probably for the best that I don't aggravate them too much, right?
They have led me to the conclusion that metaphors are weak forms of illustrating a point. Living in a new culture has absolutely nothing to do with an iceberg, or with two icebergs for that matter. If I hear anything more about 90% below the surface, I think I may freak out. Furthermore, we are not like lobsters. We are not painfully shedding our layers or whatever and becoming stronger through this trial. Also, adapting to a new culture is entirely unrelated to learning how to swim. You can't just watch, you have to do, and sometimes it doesn't work. Yeah yeah yeah. I can smell these metaphors coming now and it pains me.
By the way, if someone wants to tell me that these aren't really metaphors but something else, I don't really care.
Greetings, English-speaking world!