Mullet Over

I needed a haircut. And because it was long & bizarre, I hacked off a bunch this morning before going to a barbershop. It had been long in the front, & short in the back, but had since grown out of control everywhere. So I cut off a bit up top, so that I could instruct the barber to simply even it out, leaving it longish in the back, but shortish in the front.

Over & over again in my life, I have asked barbers for mullets, & have never gotten one. They always just give me a simple Number 2. It's impossible. Years ago, a barber in Reno, Nevada, was not familiar with the term 'mullet'. There's men all over Nevada with horrible mullets, so where do they get theirs done!? And it's not just standard barbers, I had the same results at a salon. I was like, what's so hard with leaving it a bit longer in the back, but short up top? My female friends with scissors have refused to help me out in this pursuit over the years. But now this is probably the fifth time this has happened in ten years, that I've asked a barber generally for them to leave some of the length behind, while trimming the top, & have ended up with it short all over. I'm sure, in the '80s & '90s, those actors on Full House all had professional stylists. But why is it so hard to ask for short in the front & long in the back? This was roughly the conversation I had with the kind Asian girl cutting my hair today:

Me: Don't cut it too short, just even it out. Can you leave it longer in the back, don't cut too much, but even it out shorter in the front.

Girl: You cut hair yourself?

Me: Just a little this morning, to make it easier for you.

Girl: It's uneven.

Me: You know, you know what a mullet is?

Girl: Yes, a mullet, yes. How long you cut hair yourself?

Me: I don't usually. Just a little this morning, because it was really long & wild. A mullet, you know, like, "business in the front / party in the back"?

[...later...]

Girl: I can cut more in the back.

Me: No, leave it longer in the back.

Girl: It's uneven between top & back.

Me: I want it longer in the back.

Girl: How long you cut hair yourself?

Me: I only cut off a little of the long hair in the front.

Girl: It's uneven. I cut more in the back.

Me: Don't cut off too much in the back, just leave it medium-length if you can. Like a mullet.

Girl: Don't cut your hair yourself.

The result - I have a short haircut all over.