Conversations: Volunteering on Tatooine

me: [...] had her peace corps interview yesterday you know.

J____ Quill: ooooh

Olaf: wow

me: And her interviewer did the peace corp in TRANSYLVANIA

Olaf: i had no idea

whoa!

J____ Quill: ooooh

Olaf: vampires in our midst

J____ Quill: it's better over there, I hear

11:21 AM Olaf: so where does jenny wanna go?

me: I didn't know you could be a volunteer in Fantasy places. Can you be one in Sherwood Forest?

J____ Quill: how was the interview?

only fantasy scary places

me: She said it went much better than anticipated. They talked an hour longer than scheduled.

11:22 AM J____ Quill: wow

Olaf: good

J____ Quill: [...]

me: I would join the PC if we could do it on other planets, like Tatooine

11:23 AM J____ Quill: Tatooine needs volunteers

Olaf: yup

and water

me: Yeah that place is developing, to say the least.

J____ Quill: and freedom

Olaf: it the new dubai

lets go!

me: can you teach English to jawas?

11:24 AM J____ Quill: they really need it

Olaf: and computer skills

11:25 AM J____ Quill: they're pretty good with electronics

Olaf: right

but only distant past electronics

11:26 AM J____ Quill: of the future

me: Yeah it would be interesting teaching Internet 101 to a bunch of aliens who can rebuild robots.

The Tusken Raiders! They're not so bad.

Olaf: yup

11:27 AM and study skills

me: Or trying to get the Sarlacc to read Huck Finn.

11:28 AM Olaf: and to kill a mockingbird

i feel that the Ewoks would do incredibly well in Physical education and arts and crafts

like summer camp

me: Okay, enough of this, I need to start cleaning my fucking apartment. It's not that dirty, I think, but not quite presentable to respectable individuals who will be here shortly.

J____ Quill: Ewoks have good attitude

11:29 AM Olaf: respectable?

who?

but ewoks have ADD

11:30 AM J____ Quill: nonsense

me: God, remember how they digitally added to the Sarlacc in the updated versions.

They added like grabby tentacles, totally missing the point of the original.

J____ Quill: yeah

11:31 AM so much less scary

but not the worst of the changes they made

me: It was terrifying because it was a SLOW-digesting plant.

Olaf: yes

me: Not a two-bit corny horror movie creature.

J____ Quill: yup

11:32 AM George Lucas. burned out imagination

11:33 AM me: He's like Wordsworth, rewriting his early poems, & sucking them up.

Hmm, this poem would flow a lot better if I made it more conservative.

J____ Quill: yeah

sadness

Olaf: W. has Q told you about our money making idea?

Lit-Zak!

11:34 AM me: What is this!

I'm filled with entrepreneurial zeal already.

Olaf: we write and release hyped contemporary novels before they are released

we start with "The Kindly Ones"

me: I love it.

Let's write J.K. Rowling's next book.

Olaf: okay

me: Anything anxiously anticipated.

11:35 AM Karl Rove's memoir.

Olaf: just the kindly ones - see the new york times yesterday

J____ Quill: Lit Zak!

Olaf: to read about this controversial neew novel

about a nazi

written in french by an american

11:36 AM 983 pgs.

me: People would wonder why the pre-realeased Lit Zak version was only 78 pages long.

Olaf: they would be happy

me: You know I was doing the Ken-Ken puzzle in that section of the Times yesteday, but opted no to read that article.

J____ Quill: it would probably be better though

11:37 AM Olaf: to not have to read all those other pages

me: We could just add a note of explanation that translating from French cuts down a lot of words.

Olaf: yes

me: French is a very superfluous language.

Olaf: especially french of an american mind

apparently the main nazi character sodomizes himself with a sausage

me: And we could cut out all the dirty bits,

11:38 AM Olaf: and add jesus

me: Make a Christian Family version.

Olaf: yeah

me: And make it take place in the American Suburbs, americans love that shit.

11:39 AM Olaf: we are the next updike

me: Okay, fellows. I'm sad to leave you, but I must start scrubbing thingies.

Olaf: and cervantes

scrub!

11:40 AM elbow grease!

J____ Quill: loser

me: The Great American Novel.

A 800-page shorter fraud translation, with all the naughty bits expurgated, set in the American Suburbs.

Olaf: that is what america wants

11:41 AM cul-de-sac

me: It is America.

11:44 AM J____ Quill: these novels really write themselves

11:49 AM Olaf: yeah, we just have to fill in the words