Dan Lafferty's Theology: The Asshole Earth

I'm still totally haunted by the book I read last week, Jon Krakauer's Under the Banner of Heaven. I don't want to give too much away, because this might be a book that every American should read. The central narrative is about the Lafferty brothers, all of whom started out as fairly normal Mormon boys who drifted into fundamentalism, culminating in some truly gruesome murders. The book does a nice job weaving in all the scandalous & rich history of the Mormon church with much of the other scandalous & rich contemporary Mormon history. So, there's a precedent in Mormonism (and, what, every other religion) to have certain murders & "removals" prophesied by God.

Krakauer has at the climax of the book a seriers of monologues by the murderer Dan Lafferty (again, without giving too much away, but the man sliced the head off of his infant neice!) In prison, Laffery has come to believe that he is Elijah, & here is some of his theology in his own words. "At a certain point Christ gathered all His Children around Him & announced:

"I want to have a party that's gonna last for a thousand years. You interested? You want to party with Me on this earth for a thousand years?"

And we said, "Hell, yeah!"

Se He said, "Okay, that's the good part. Here's the bad part: you can't have something for nothing. ... For six thousand years I'm gonna let the earth become hell before I turn it into heaven. And hell, by definition, is where the devil & his children are running shit. So what I'm gonna do is, I'm gonna let the devil populate the earth with all of his assholes, & then I'm gonna sprinkle you, My children, on the earth a few at a time. And every hour you spend on this hell-on-earth with the assholes, you're going to be building up credits for the Big Party. It's gonna take about six thousand years, but by then we'll have all the credits we'll need fo our party. And then I'll come, & we'll harvest the earth - basically, we'll remove all the assholes - & clear the dance floor for our one thousand-year party."

Christ told His Children, "I know life is fucking crazy, but I'm here to tell you there's a purpose behind it. We're working for the Kingdom of God. And the way we do that is we put in our time here. And every hour you put in here is building up credit for the Big Party. That's the promise. That's the covenant. It's going to be crazy down there for a while, but in the end, thru Elijah, I will come."

Since we're all here in hell-on-earth, where the devil & his children run everything that is organized, it makes sense that the children of the devil would trick us into worshipping their asshole god. But before the God of love makes the scene, it will be important somehow to help His children - the children of love - have their eyes opened to who this cool fucker is who will be coming to befriend them on the day known in the Bible as the "Great & Dreadful Day of the Lord" (great for His children; dreadful for the assholes) - which is also known in the parable of the wheat & tares as "the harvest".

It is prophesied that the "Great & Dreadful Day" will be when Christ sends His angels like reapers to gather out of His kingdom all those who are not His & kill them; & that's in part what I was foreshadowing when I took the lives of Brenda & Erica [Lafferty]. I know that might sounds a little gory or something, but it feels like the right interpretation to me. I don't think the angels in this prophecy are beings with wings that fly down from heaven, but more like what Joseph [Smith, Jr.] & Brigham [Young] called "avenging angels": men already living here on earth who will just be taking care of their Fathers' business like I was, once they learn who their Father is & have been properly instructed.

_________________________________________________________________

Please "like" our band The Manna Tease on facebooks:



More shameless advertisement:
My illuminated nonsense rhyming poetry book - only $2.15 on scribd.com:

S. Sandrigon - Prophecy and Doggerel 2009