News: David Rees entering Mitt Romney's Essay Contest

David Rees (of the "Get Your War On" comic) has been blogging about his plan to win Mitt Romney's "Free & Strong America" essay contest. Here's the developments: On June Tenth, Rees wrote:

...sorry for the light blogging recently. I’ve been busy with top-secret procrastination secrets “they” don’t want you to know about.

Anyway, for all the writers out there, I was scanning a list of grants and fellowships (Yaddo, Guggenheim Fellowship, McArthur Genius Award, etc.) when I found a new prize that raises the bar on prestige and reward:

"Mitt Romney political organization, the Free and Strong America PAC, is offering supporters a new chance to take an expenses-paid trip to Boston and join Mitt himself in his family’s seats at Fenway Park for a Red Sox Game."

[...]All you have to do is write an essay about “What A Free and Strong America Means to Me.”

A half hour later, he blogged:

250 words or less? Please, I can knock this out in 25 words or less.

I reckon that's only the equivalent of ten or twelve twitter-twotes, which is more than I'm used to writing these days. Too bad, tho, it costs $50 to enter! Another half hour after that, he wrote:

DEVELOPING … more information about the Mitt Romney essay contest …

The author of the best essay will get to go to Boston with a guest, while the other top-five essays will be featured on the site, and the authors will receive baseballs personally autographed by Mitt himself.

I’m telling everyone now: DON’T BOTHER ENTERING THIS CONTEST. I AM GOING TO WIN ALL THE BASEBALLS.

“What does a free and strong America mean to me in 250 words or less?”

That is the question I’m going to answer. Anyone who tries to answer it before me, you’re going down.

The next day, "Gathering My 250 Words"

I stayed up all night thinking of what a free and strong America means to me in 250 words or less … and dreaming of baseballs signed by Mitt Romney! (Seriously, if anyone else even thinks of entering this contest, there’s gonna be trouble courtesy of Hi & Lois, aka my FISTS.)

Anyway, I’ve started collecting my 250 words for the essay. Here’s what I’ve got so far:

Free (duh!)
Strong (double duh!)
America (figure I’ll need this one)
The (x5) (stockpiling definite articles is smart, according to my writer friend)
Declaration of Independence
Terrorism (x2)
Principles
Bravery
Mitt Romney (x3) (LOL, a little buttering up never hurt anyone, right?)
YOGA (this is my own little twist I’m bringing, this’ll take the judges by surprise and I’ll win the contest!)

Still need a few more words … I’m working on it … I can smell the Romney sky box already …

Yesterday, a competitor reared his head:

I checked out Mitt Romney’s new web site, freeandstrongamerica.com, to see if there was more information about the essay contest I am going to win.

Lo and behold, in a blog post about the essay contest, a commenter named Chris Bentley has posted the following:

To me, free strong America means that when someone steals, there is punishment. Is that yours? No? Then you can’t take it. See? It’s simple. Another thing free strong America means to me is that if I want my family to have a puppy, they can have a puppy, OK? Thank you Milt for all you’re doing.

“Milt?”

This Chris Bentley fellow is going to give me a run for my money. Well, that’s fine– I’ll just run faster, harder, and stronger than him.

Those baseballs are mine.

My best to Mr Rees. Too bad the essay contest isn't democratically voted upon, as it should be in a Free & Strong America, then we could tilt the scales. I also noticed at Romney's website, one of his many studly sons Tagg Romney is still blogging for him. I wonder, when did Gov. Romney start consulting with Gov. Palin for baby names? OR, since Romney's children are older, maybe that's the secret influence of the Republican Guber-spawn names. (Remember, The Onion's suggestions for more Palin baby names were Frag, Moss, Scoot, Skiffer, Minnow, Plow, Snatch, Twiglet, and Drum). I think Tagg & Milt should unite with Track, Trig & Tripp, form a secret monosyllabic male society, & CONTROL THE WORLD.